Airplane! (The Blog)

20 January 2012

3 and a half hours into 6 and a half (?) hour plane flight. And 13.5 hours in transit so far today. I’m tired. My back hurts. I am sitting on my stuffed shark to attempt to help. I’ve had several unfortunate travel problems today. But I’m going HOME. Back to Hawaii. So I’m happy nevertheless.

I keep thinking about what John and Hank would be doing right now in my situation. Making a vlog. I mean, okay, maybe not, because I can only remember one instance for EACH of them when they vlogged from an airplane. But still. That’s definitely what they would’ve been doing during my 3 hour layover in Phoenix.

However, I’m not much of a vlogger. I’ve tried it. It was fun. But I don’t really think I’m the person who can be super exuberant in front of a camera. Maybe I’d grow into it, but sometimes I wonder…what’s the point, if no one is going to watch it? Ha, and that’s really why I never update this blog either. Because I never expect anyone to read it. And I know of maybe one person (other than me) who does. It’s unfortunate, really, because I love to write. And I like looking back at my blogs from the 3 various BEDAs. But for some reason, no matter how much I emphasize that “this year I will write more…” it NEVER happens. April and/or August ends and the blogs largely stop. Why is it that we can never keep promises to ourselves?

I think on some level it’s because I want the justification. I want to know that people are reading my words, that people think my thoughts and life are important. My dad has this somewhat funny and extremely sad thing where he gets really upset if no one likes his Facebook statuses or posts. And tries to get people to like them. It’s the same thing, really. JUSTIFICATION. We’re all searching for our place in this vast world of ours. I like to think that the internet can help all of us to do this, because we can be connected in so many new and exciting ways. And I hope, hope, HOPE that no legislation in Congress can stop this lovely, beautiful, mesmerizing spider web we have created and nourished. Because I’ve made some of my best and truest friends through the internet (and Harry Potter, but still…) and been able to keep in touch with faraway friends.

So maybe I don’t know where I belong in the world yet. But for the first time in my life that I can remember, I’m happy. I have friends who actually want to hang out with me. And I’m finding and doing what I love, out there on this vast ocean that I am currently flying over. I cannot actually see the ocean right now, which is sad. I always end up with the aisle seat, which I do like for a couple reasons. One, I am slightly claustrophobic, so I like to have some space around me. Two, I don’t have to ask people to move when I need to go the bathroom (though they always have to ask me to move…) However, sometimes I’d rather give up those reasons for a window seat. I love to look out the window, watch myself flying thousands of miles over the earth. I like to watch the California coast turn into ocean and try to pick out some of the breaking waves below. I could do this in August because my parents let me lean over them, but I’m sitting next to strangers now, so…yeah. I mean, I suppose I could very awkwardly lean over them, but I don’t think that would go well. John and Hank have done weirder things in airports/planes, though…

I should mention maybe that I am on a flight with 4 other people from HPU. Including Dan. Our travel plans always seem to correspond, which is strange. But it was nice. The last hour I spent in the Phoenix airport (because our stupid flight was delayed for some reason they will not tell us) I talked to Dan and the other people, which was considerably less boring than sitting by myself. Hooray!

Abrupt change of topic here. But I used to fly a lot more than I do now. We would visit California, Chicago, I would go to Harry Potter conferences and Wrockstock. And before that, we would travel to Europe and my grandparents and other such places. I mean, we took a LOT of road trips as well, but the point is I used to travel a lot more. And I miss it. I spent a good portion of my break on Tumblr, since, you know, still a very limited number of friends in Colorado. And I started looking at pictures. Alaska: Glacier Bay, Kenai fjords, gates of the arctic. Australia. South Africa. Patagonia. Kigali. And so many other places.

God, I want to travel more. But I’m a college student. I don’t really have money. Travel is expensive no matter what. I’m not afraid of camping and hostel-ling, but the flights…oh, the flights. *sigh* Flights are so DAMN EXPENSIVE. I was looking, actually, because it’s one of my life dreams to study the great whites in South Africa, and it costs more to fly there than to Australia, where I’ll be doing my study abroad in 2013. What?!?! I mean, okay, I can rationalize. It’s Africa. Probably less of a demand, so higher prices. But damn. I want to go there and to Patagonia the most right now.

I think I’m the kind of person who cannot stay in one place for too long. I lived in Colorado for 11 years, but in the early years we still travelled a lot. And I loved it. I find myself in nature, in the cultures of other people, in the amazingly old crooked buildings of Lavenham, in the breathtaking landscapes of our world. I think (or maybe I just hope) marine biology is a fairly good career path for travel, particularly if I do manage to end up in my field of research studying the healing and possible cancer-healing properties of my precious sharks. That’s the career I want so much. But I fear most of the time it isn’t possible. I’m not even REALLY sure WHY, but I do.

Anyway. I very much want to spread my heart and soul to many places around this world. I hope that I can do what I want to. But I do know reality: not a lot of people get their dreams. Nevertheless, I’m not going to stop dreaming. Because there’s nothing wrong with it. I think it helps me, actually, to combat my incessant anxiety and fear of daily life. So as cheesy as it may sound, I’m going to keep dreaming.

Man, it’s hard to pass time on a 6 and a half hour flight. My flight to Denver last month was only slightly shorter, and yet I don’t REMEMBER how I passed the time on that plane. I know I wrote a letter. And watched Dirty Dancing. And then I took these incredibly aggravating repetitive 10 minute naps that I think only totaled 1.5-2 hours of sleep. *sigh*

What have I done so far? Hmm…well, I’ve been reading The Fault in our Stars, because I desperately feel the need to. I also need to write a blog about it, but I’m going to wait until I finish this reread. I think I need a lot more time to digest its beauty and unfortunate yet spiritual truths about our finite human lives. And I watched Dolphin Tales, because it was playing on the screens and looked good. It was…I’m always the person who gets teary-eyed from happiness at movies and books. It’s slightly embarrassing. Goodness, and then I think I just sat in my seat hoping the bathroom line would go down before giving up and starting this. Only to get interrupted by Apple Juice. Mmmm….apple juice. J And now I’m listening to The Mountain Goats while writing this. And we still have another good 2 hours and 20 minutes.

What else? My New Year resolutions. My main one is to try to downsize my life. Meaning, try to get rid of stuff I don’t need. First, I’m going to try to get money for some newer clothes I do not wear. Then I’m just going to start donating a lot of stuff and cleaning out things. Even the things I want to keep, I’ll put in boxes. But I’m going to do my best to consolidate and get rid of things (read: throw away!!!) I probably won’t want in the future. Because I don’t need everything I have. I really don’t. I started this over break, cleaning out my drawers and reorganizing my room some. Is this a side-effect of being a college student? I don’t think so. I don’t know any other college students who do this. But I WANT to. I want to live a smaller life, at least as far as the physical space I need to live. I want to live a LARGER life with my heart and soul, through travelling and exploring and dreaming, and I really think those two things HAVE to go together.

……………………………………………

Okay. I think that’s all I have for now. I’ve spent a good 40 minutes writing this.

I really love The Mountain Goats.

DOWNSIZE.

And in a little over 3 hours I’ll be back (to the dorms). I can do this. 2 more hours of discomfort in this tiny, tiny seat. Let’s go, TFIOS. And let’s go…to the bathroom. And maybe watch part of a movie.;)

Okay. Okay. Okay.

Best wishes! DFTBA!