I definitely slept for like 10 hours last night. Maybe more. And then at 2:00 I fell asleep for an hour. I used to be so good at not sleeping. Although I'm not sure that's something to be proud of. While it was necessary in order to do track, take care of myself, and finish all my IB work, I'm sure it wasn't doing good things for my body. And of COURSE now they're doing the Pottermore clues during the day my time, so I didn't even have to stay up late on Monday night if I didn't want to. *sigh*
After two days of writing these blogs, I have concluded that no one seems to be reading what I'm writing. Which is, you know, lovely. I mean, I don't really care if anyone reads them or not, because I do it solely for my enjoyment and to look back on in the future. But...but...oh, screw it, I wish someone was reading my blog. Perhaps I will advertise it to my best friends, at least.
ANYWAY. Today, August 3rd, is Esther day. I must admit that I didn't really know Esther personally. We talked I think maybe twice on a big Skype chat because some of my friends were really close with her. She was (is) my friend on Facebook, and we commented on each other's stuff sometimes. But, mostly, I knew her because of her loveliness. I admired her strength and heart, the way she could be funny and loving when her body was fighting against her, how she wanted to help others even in her final days. But I never met her. I regret not talking to her more, because I think our souls and minds really would have connected.
On Esther Day, we all promise to tell those we love that we love them. I htink it's a beautiful idea. I don't do it as often as I should, and I'm in constant fear of losing another special person like Esther and Nick.
Esther's death hit me hard last year, as you may be able to tell from my extremely short blog post on that day. I was in a really rough place, desperately trying to escape my grief over Nick's death, and her death reminded me so much of my sadness. It thrust it in my face, when I had been trying for so long to keep it in a safe little box and just move on.
I regret still that I didn't tell Nick more often how much I loved him and how much he helped me. He always tried to smile at everyone, talk to everyone, cheer up people he could tell were sad. He had such a beautiful spirit. And I regret as well that I stuffed my grief for so long and tried to ignore that loss. I am comforted by the words of a dear wise friend who told me that you can only grieve when you are ready to, and maybe I just hadn't been for so long. I finally grieved, truly grieved, on his 18th birthday on December 1st. And since then I've come to realize that he isn't truly gone. His spirit it still alive and strong and beautiful.
He's alive in my heart. Because I still honor him and love him every single day. I try to live a beautiful life, because he didn't get the chance to finish his. I truly believe we all have souls, and they don't just disappear after we're gone. Maybe there's no heaven or true afterlife, but our souls live on. We live on after we die inside of those people we influenced, the people who love us, the people who miss us. I can't help but believe, too, that Nick's spirit lives on, and that wherever he is, he can hear me everytime I tell him I love him.
And I believe the same for Esther. I believe her spirit is living on somewhere, and that she is glowing with pride and happiness at all the love being expressed today.
The dead are not lost to us. They live on. In all of us.
....................................................................................
Okay, moving away from the "downer" part of the blog. Sorry about that. It was just something I really needed to express today.
I am currently watching sharks* and listening to our torrential downpour outside. I love rain so much. And I am enjoying the shark week shows tonight so much more, because they're scientific shows about how sharks hunt. Not the stupid shark attack shows. So I'm sitting here, writing this, as my stuffed shark watches the TV happily beside me.**
Other than sleeping so much today, I read more of Goblet of Fire, messed around on Tumblr, and went for a beautiful and lovely run just before it started raining. I would have loved if I had been running when the rain first started, but since we've been having torrential downpours and thunderstorms and there's a flash flood warning, I didn't want to risk being struck my lighting or swept away in a flash flood. That wouldn't be good.
Also, I promised you excitement today. So here's some balloons:
Fireworks:
And cupcakes:
I think I should just say right now that a lot of my blogs will turn into these long reflective wriitngs, because that's just the kind of person I am.
But hopefully there'll be some funny too.
Oh, another random thing. My cat enjoys almost suffocating me. I don't think she does it on purpose, it's more just that she wants to be close to us. But she sits on my neck and covers my face with her fur, and I feel like I'm being suffocated. But she's cute. Although I suppose if she really did kill me and I came back as a ghost, I wouldn't think she was so cute anymore...
Well. I'm going to keep watching sharks. You should too. :)
Cheers!
Daily Shark Fact: Sharks’ wounds heal quickly and they rarely get tumors. (magic healing sharks. I vote we study them to try to cure human diseases. I'm such a marine biologist...)
Daily Shark Photo:
OH MY GOODNESS, IT'S A BABY SHARK! IT'S SO CUTE!!!!
Inspirational quote/photo of the day: We’re all human, aren’t we? Every human life is worth the same and worth saving. -Jo Rowling
Days until I leave for college: 23
*I am always watching sharks apparently when writing these blogs. It's shark week. And sharks are awesome. There should always be shows about sharks on.
**Yes, I realize it's a stuffed shark and can't really see the TV or think or anything. I'm not crazy. I just think he's adorable and I like making him watch the sharks and pretending he enjoys watching his friends.
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