So, I really should have worked on that "What Defines Me" essay today. I mean, I basically spent the entire day thinking of what to write about, and I'm still not sure. It's late now, but I'm going to at least try to get something down. At least I did my Chem and Bio homework, so I don't have to worry about those tomorrow.
Plus, I did genuinely enjoy getting to work with those wonderful kids and horses today. There's something so special about seeing a kid really connect with such an animal. I'm glad I chose to volunteer there. :)
Mkay, well, onto the confessions:
I am by no means a fantastic photographer, especially since I don't have a very good quality camera. But I really love taking pictures of the world. That's really what I mostly take pictures of: scenery, cities, the sky, animals, flowers, little signs I find fascinating. You rarely find pictures of me. A couple more of friends and such, but not that many. I think my sister ended up taking all the pictures of me at work this summer. I'm not really sure, because it's not like I hate people or something.* Maybe, I think, just reminding myself of the beauty of the world around me reminds me not to give up. Actually, I kind of have this weird obsession with the sky. I think the sky is just so beautiful in how quickly it changes, but how it is always 100% beautiful, even when snow is falling or on the grayest of days. So maybe that's it: I admire something that can change so easily but never lose what it really is. Hmm...that sounds really stupid, that I admire the SKY, when it's not even conscious, but I do, in a lot of ways.
Sometimes I feel like I use a camera lens to view the world because I'm afraid of the world seeing me. If I hide behind the camera, then I get to see everything and remember everything without being seen or remembered myself.
Mostly, though, I like recording the world. I like having proof of the places I've been, though I realize I rarely have proof that *I* was actually there. I like being reminded of how beautiful the world is. I like being reminded of how I felt standing in front of that vast ocean, even 5 years later. Pictures capture something unique: Feelings and memories. And in a unique way, that I can't fully describe. To me, though, it's absolutely wonderful. =]
2. Sometimes, I just love getting dressed up.
My basic wardrobe is jeans, shorts, t-shirts, or a couple of other random "nicer" shirts. In the winter, a long sleeved tee or sweater and a sweatshirt. Running shoes or converse. Hair randomly down and straight or back in a regular ol' ponytail. Ha, largely because I don't know how to dress really well. But also because I'm a LITTLE bit lazy in the mornings and don't want to put a huge effort into what I wear. Sometimes I wish I did put more effort in, because I feel like it would boost my confidence.
Why do I feel that way? Because dressing up does give me a tiny little boost in self-esteem. I actually LOVE dresses, but I don't wear them very often. I love cute shoes, but I don't know how to match them with the proper clothing.** I wear dresses to school sometimes, but mostly I stick to those basics I listed above. What I really love is getting dressed up to go out somewhere. Wearing a beautiful dress and some nice shoes to a play. Putting on a gorgeous, but simple dress and doing my best to curl my hair for a school dance. Finding a nice outfit and fixing my hair to go out to a nice dinner/function with my parents and some of their friends. I really don't know why it makes me feel better about myself, but it does. I love looking fancy and feeling good about the outfit I'm wearing. Ha, sometimes in the summer I just randomly put on a pair of high heels and wear them around the house just because they make me smile.
Unfortunately, I don't have too many reasons to get all dressed up anymore. I wish I did.
3. I still read books from my childhood when I need a good escape.
The Babysitter's Club. Dolphin Diaries. The Ramona series. Sharon Creech. Andrew Clements. E.L. Konigsberg. Those few Battle of the Books books that I still own. I mostly do this when I don't have any other books to read, but sometimes I do it in the middle of reading another great book just because I really need that escape back to my childhood. Back to a simpler time, when these books still excited me so much. And, I mean, they're all clearly well written and wonderful stories. Not the most intellectually stimulating, but I read them when I'm tired of reading intellectually stimulating books. I find myself especially rereading Sharon Creech's and Andrew Clements' books over and over again, because I loved them so much and the stories are so wonderful. Often, I feel bad for keeping these books rather than giving them to kids who will really love them, but at least I still read them, so they don't go to waste, right?
I am going to go try to at least start that essay. Maybe write a couple of opening sentences on the few topics I have rolling around in my head, so tomorrow it will be easier (maybe) to choose which one to write.
Also, I'm watching 50 First Dates right now, and thinking how wonderful it would be to wake up and be constantly surprised by the world. I mean, I'm not saying it's good to lose your memory. That part would NOT be wonderful. But also working with this one super sweet girl this afternoon, who was excited and happy about every little thing. I wish I could have that. Most of us just end up finding life so mundane and boring, sludging through each day like it will never end. Waiting for something exciting to happen. When, really, the excitement is everywhere, if we'd just see it. I so wish I still could.
Woah. So only 3 days left of BEDA(ugust)!!! Tomorrow will be my last edition (for this year) of Kat's Top Ten Reasons to (do something). Does anyone else feel like August also went by really fast?
Cheers!
Word of the day: Veridical--truthful; genuine
Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it." ~Rita Mae Brown
*(I know I don't take pictures of myself because I hate a good 95% of pictures of me. Ugh.)
**Well, and also for a good 9 months, you're never sure how cold it will be in the morning or if it will snow. So it's often not smart to wear cute shoes. I still do sometimes, but I always regret it...
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