(However, I'd also like to point you to this post I wrote in September explaining my own story. Because everyone's story is important, and I hope that my sharing mine, other people will feel empowered to share theirs.)
Today, I'd like to focus on trying to explain how an eating disorder starts. Even with such huge advancements in outreach and research and support, there's still a huge stigma surrounding eating disorders. Society tends to think still that they are the disease of privileged white girls, when in reality, both men and women, of all ages, all backgrounds, all races, etc, suffer from eating disorders.
10 million women and 1 million men in the US alone suffer from an eating disorder. And every single one of those people feels shame and guilt. They are stigmatized by a society that still does not understand the true gravity of an eating disorder. People don't try to understand the roots and foundations of eating disorders. This lack of awareness only makes it harder for people to recover, find support, feel loved and like a part of society.
It makes it harder, for one thing, for patients to get adequate insurance. Many of my friends experienced this, getting kicked out of treatment before they were ready to leave. I myself experienced this the first time around, although I didn't realize it at the time. Though none of us particularly enjoy treatment, I do think most people (especially myself) who have been through it know that it involves a lot of effort and a lot of time. We know that those months in the hospital truly did save our lives, our bodies, and our souls. Despite the hard days, the tears, the fights, the struggles to eat and talk and feel again, we needed all of that time.
We can't just be discharged once we're no longer in a "dangerous" weight zone, which is how a lot of insurance companies gauge their coverage. Weight is only one tiny portion of an eating disorder. There's so much more. Ultimately, the roots of an eating disorder dig much deeper than just a desire to lose weight.
So, why do they start? This is a hard question to answer. First, because the details are personal and unique to each sufferer. Second, because it can take years of therapy for the patient to fully realize why their eating disorder started, and what emotions, trauma, etc, lie behind the behaviors. And, finally, because people who do not suffer find it hard to accept that we might be "doing this" to ourselves, no matter what the reason.
First, I have to focus on that. I know it has been said over and over again, but no one chooses to have an eating disorder. This is hard to explain to a lot of people, I think. Because, yes, in most cases, at one point or another, a man or woman looked in the mirror and didn't like what they saw. They felt insecure. Maybe some of their classmates or a friend called them fat, intentionally or not. At one point or another, yes, maybe we did choose to go on a diet or ran into the bathroom after a meal or started increasing our exercising.
(Note: unfortunately, I really don't know much about bulimia, beyond what I've listened to from friends and read in memoirs. So I can't offer quite as much insight into this disorder which is unfortunate, as it often receives less treatment and less attention than anorexia. Please visit the NEDA website and read other people's stories to gain an understanding of this disorder as well.)
But we never, ever choose to have an eating disorder. At the beginning, we honestly think what we are doing is innocent. We believe we will stop once we hit that magic number. We believe everything will be okay once our weight, food intake, appearance, etc, are under our control.
Control. Ah, control. That, truly, is the main reason why eating disorders develop. They become a way for us to control one simple piece of our lives. If I can choose what I eat, I have control over my life. Once I hit xx pounds, I'll feel powerful. Once I run every day for xx miles, I'll be in control of how my body works.
Et cetera.
In the meantime, our power to have any sense of control is being ripped out of our hands by a friend we embraced so dearly and quickly cannot find a way to get rid of.
The reality is, none of us truly has control over our lives. We may choose where we live, where we go to school, what we cook for dinner, how we spend our time. But truthfully, anything can happen at any time in our lives to change our circumstances.
It's a scary thought, but most people either manage to live without focusing on that anxiety or (unfortunately) find some other coping mechanism: alcohol, drugs, self-harm...
That's what an eating disorder is. It's a coping mechanism. It's a dangerous and extremely deadly one. Which is why, I think, it's especially hard for people to understand why people use it. They think we are choosing it. They think that if we just "ate a cheeseburger" everything would be okay again.
Which is absolutely not true. Weight restoration is a vital part of recovery, yes. But simply having someone gain 40 pounds to be back within a healthy range and then sending them back out of the hospital to deal with life without discussing any other issues is essentially setting them up for failure. Why? Because weight is only one factor.
Eating disorders aren't really about the food. Either the restriction or the binging. Rather, our anxieties, depression, traumas, loneliness, and a multitude of other emotions, manifest themselves this way.
Again, any multitude of things can be that trigger for an eating disorder, but among the common causes are:
-trauma (rape, illness, an accident, etc)
-grief (loss of a loved one, illness of a loved one)
-not feeling good enough/feeling overshadowed by a sibling/friend/teammate
-depression
-anxiety
-unhealthy body image/eating habits at home
-an unsafe home environment
-Genetics
-And, of course, societal pressures
However, while I do have many strong opinions on the portrayal of women and thinness in the media, I would caution against saying that the media causes eating disorders. Our society does promote an unhealthy ideal body for women (and men), definitely. But to say that someone develops an eating disorder simply because of the images of models/actresses on TV actually strips away all of the other more important causes of an eating disorder. It, to me at least, portrays people with eating disorders as weak, for giving in to society's pressures, when other people can resist them. Do I think we need to promote healthy bodies in movies, tv, music, and the magazines? Absolutely.
But, again, no one develops an eating disorder just because they want to look like a model or actress. Rather, often, they develop one because they want to be perfect, in control, they wan to feel powerful and admired by society. And, unfortunately, thinness is how our society currently embodies those characteristics.
The bottom line, here, i think, is to realize how complex eating disorders are. There's no one simple fix. Recovery involves years and years of hard work and vigilance, strength to fight against a power that doesn't easily loosen its grip on our minds.
We don't choose this. We would get rid of it if we could. But it's just not that simple. Have compassion. Do research. Spread awareness of these truths. Be careful of how you judge people suffering. And keep, as always, spreading the importance of love and faith and breath.
And, again, reach out for help if you or someone you know may be struggling from an eating disorder. NEDA has the best list of resources available, ranging from how to approach your loved one, how to talk to them during treatment, and of course, an extensive list of treatment option.
Everyone knows someone. Keep spreading the awareness and tell the truth about eating disorders. Together, we can break the glass of silence and shame and start working to cure this terrible and crippling disease.
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