College!!!!!!!!!!!!

....I already failed once this month, so I'm not even caring that I never posted a blog yesterday. I had a ton of crazy appointments in the morning to get set up here and then we moved in to my dorm. Then in the afternoon I went with my parents to some beautiful places here around Kaneohe/Kailua, and then by the time we finally got back to my dorm, everyone was leaving for the organized trip to Bed, Bath, and Beyond. To be honest, I really only went because I thought it would be good to bond with my roommates, but I did end up getting a water kettle, mug, and mattress pad, so I suppose it wasn't entirely a bad trip. Except for the fact we didn't get back to HPU until midnight, and then I had to set up my bed. Bleurgh.

Today I hung out with my parents, doing a crazy steep hike very similar to the incline and going swimming in Kailua Bay. This evening was orientation kick-off, which...was interesting? I guess. It wasn't very exciting and they still seem rather disorganized. But I did finally finish this evening unpacking everything and trying my best to organize with our lack of desks and furniture.

....Anyway. I am really totally failing at blogging at the end of this month, which sucks, but perhaps I will do better tomorrow? *sigh*

Word of the Day: metaphrastic--having the quality of a literary work that has been translated or changed from one form to another, as prose into verse.

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "There are moments that mark your life, moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same. And time is divided into two parts, before this and after this.”

Eating the Unicorn

*happy sigh* Oh, Hawaii is so beautiful. Absolutely perfect weather, constantly in sight of both the ocean and mountains. We walked along the beach in Kailua bay for about an hour and a half this morning, but other than that we were mostly out buying all the things I'll need for college for the next 4 years, plus a few special Hawaii things (beach mat, snorkel gear). It would help if my parents weren't fighting the entire time, because that makes everything rather miserable, when I feel like I'm in paradise. It doesn't make sense. :(

Anyway. Today is my top ten list, so my main entry about Hawaii will be tomorrow after I've moved into my DORM. Aaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope it goes well. I'm nervous. :(

I watched a bunch of recent vlogbrothers videos this morning while waiting for my parents, and, as promised, I will dedicate my blog today to those dear brothers we all love. So I now present you with: Kat's Top Ten Reasons to Watch the Vlogbrothers.

1. To learn...the things you don't learn in school.

John and Hank have both done educational videos. If I had time, I'd search through all their videos to post examples, but I really don't have the time. We were up for 23 hours yesterday and then only managed around 7 hours of sleep, so I'm tired and do not feel like searching through all their hundreds and hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of videos. I remember Hank did one on Chemistry, and while it was stuff I knew because I took really advanced Chemistry class, a lot of classes don't go that in depth. I know he's also done some on environmental stuff, and John often does ones on books and reading and how to analyze books, what symbols actually mean and how authors write, why they write.

However, I think both of them teach you the most important things about life as well. How to love people and tell them you love them. How to live your life and be proud of yourself and your actions. How to balance your life. How to have fun. Etc, etc.

2. To be inspired.

I absolutely love John and Hank's "Thoughts from Places" videos in particular. They always get me thinking more positive things about our world and how I live, teaching me the beauty and wonder of life. But in general, they always surprise me with their little snippets of inspiration.

3. Signed pre-ordered books!

I know John's only doing this for Fault in our Stars, but whatever. If you don't watch vlogbrothers, you wouldn't even know he was doing this. And you never know what else they might give away, so keep watching! Yay!

4. Bobbleheads!

This is my favorite souvenir and desk decoration. I wrapped John in a shirt and brought him to college to decorate my desk. When I'm stressed, I just push on his head and watch it bobble and it always makes me smile.

5. You and your friends have inside jokes. TONS of them.

JOKES. I'll put forks in you. Fishing boat proceeds. Peanut butter face. In Your Pants. Nerdfighters. Decepticons. Evil Baby Orphanage. Happy Dances. Waxing chins. Blenderized happy meals. World suck. Puppy sized elephants. Stuff on your head. Giant squid of anger. French the llama. Tiny chickens disease. Best wishes. The puff.

Curious? Don't watch the vlogbrothers? Watch!

6. John teaches you about current events.

The debt crisis, the situation in Iran (2009), Gadhafi, the housing crisis...etc. Basically, I think John explains current events in a much simpler and easier way to understand than the newspapers, without any of the fluff. I do still read the news, but I understand the news when it comes from John or Hank.

7. Discover new music and authors and get acquainted with them.

I would've never discovered Julia Nunes or Alex Day or Chameleon Circuit or Maureen Johnson or the fiveawesomegirls or wizard rock without the vlogbrothers. And from these, I've discovered even more people. The amount of music I've found on youtube truly is an intricate web. We're all connected through Nerdfighteria.

8. You have great story material!

...well, I'll be honest, this one doesn't always work because people do just stare at you sometimes in disbelief or wonder or confusion. But if you're at another boring party where no one is talking, you might as well talk about anything, and you might as well tell amusing stories about things John and Hank have done or talked about in the videos. Asking someone to marry someone else over the phone FTW!!!

9. Because nerds are cool....no, wait, nerds are JOKES.

Obviously. :)

10. You can blog about it!

Actually, I never would've discovered Maureen without the vlogbrothers, so it's really thanks to them that I got so into blogging. But also, it's always fun to discuss the vlogbrothers in your blog. Or a lot of the time their discussions inspire me to write about a certain thing because they inspire me to go a little deeper. I love them so much. <3 They are awesome people, working so hard to make the world a better place. And I am grateful to know of them and I am grateful to have all the friends I met through nerdfighteria.

Okay. Moving into my dorm tomorrow. Eep. I will refrain from anxiety at the moment and just hope all goes well and blog about it tomorrow.

Here's beautiful Kailua Bay:

Cheers!!!

Word of the day: homologate--to approve; confirm or ratify

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive." -John Green

Current location: Kailua, Hawaii

(also, the title is John's May 23rd video. I thought it was a good title. Go watch it!)

Confessions of a Nerd Girl Part XII

The Phoenix airport is boring. :( Our Delta flight is in the crappy dilapidated terminal, not the nice one our Southwest flight landed in. Like...seriously. There are about 5 empty gates at the end of this side of the terminal. Sad, sad, gates. But it meant that we found an empty corner and watched an episode of Gilmore Girls. Score!

As much as this 5 hour layover is annoying, I'm kind of glad we've had time to relax and not be on planes. We ate, walked around some, played Bananagrams, watched a TV show...so yeah. Not too boring. And I personally think it's nice to have a break from planes. It's been a long day already. :(

I never got the chance to write my confessions blog yesterday, so I am going to be writing a good portion of this blog while we are on the flight from Phoenix to LA. And then hopefully I'll be able to post it when we're on our 2 hour layover in LA.

You know how people talk about being able to see the heat? I never knew what that meant. But I can definitely see a clear rippling in the air outside, and I'm pretty sure that's what people are referring to. It's 113 outside in Phoenix. We went outside for a minute, and my god, I'm glad we don't live here!

Enough talking about my trip. Moving onto the confessions.

1. I actually like doing homework. Most of the time.

I mean, I certainly complain a lot about homework. I especially did so this past year—senior year of IB was not easy. I would have really hard homework in usually 3 or 4 classes at a time, and then I’d always have stupid little time-consuming assignments in the other ones. My English class was definitely the hardest class I’ve ever taken, and took up the most of my time at home. Essays, reading, Socratic questions, journals, tests, etc, etc, etc, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In the end, I really liked that class because I realized how nice my teacher was* and I really did learn a lot from her. But it took up an awful lot of time. And I complained constantly about my homework in that class.

BUT, I generally don’t mind homework. I love learning. I get this nice little thrill when I come up with a great idea for an essay, like my second idea for my World Lit paper this past year. I love finishing it and revising it and watching the idea develop from just a little thought in my brain into a whole paper. Abstract ideas becoming words on a page. :) I also absolutely love when I’ve been working on a really tough Chemistry or Calculus problem and then all of the sudden, after much working and erasing and frustration, I finally figure it out. I hate the part where I’m confused and I’ve been known to throw papers across my bedroom in frustration, but I do love figuring out problems. Because all of the sudden it makes sense to me, and I have grasped a new concept. I love that.

I guess…I don’t like homework when it makes me stay up until midnight for weeks running. I don’t like homework that feels like busy work and isn’t really teaching me anything. I don’t like homework when it interferes with time I could be spending with friends.**

But I do love learning. I truly hope that love will continue all throughout college.

2. I'm probably going to miss my cat more than anything else while I'm away.

I don’t say this to sound mean to my parents, because I’m going to miss them too. And my few friends. And my sister, although we’ve been apart for 2 years now and I think we’ve still remained quite close. I love all of those people, and certainly it will be hard to be away from them. But I can talk to them on Skype, write letters, interact on Facebook, even see their faces on webcam if I want.

But…there’s nothing like having my cat comfort me when I’m upset (crying my eyes out…) or stressed (…throwing papers around the room). I love having her sleep with me. I love petting her soft fur after a long hard day. I love watching her play. I love her so much. And I’m not sure she really understands why I left. Okay, of course she doesn’t. She’s a cat. And I don’t want her to feel like I abandoned her. I hope she still loves me just as much when I come back in December.

3. Every time I fly, scenes from the movie Airplane are constantly running in my head.

I love that movie so much. It is absolutely hilarious. In general, I think I like movies from the 80s and 90s more than I like most movies made now. I mean, I’m sure that those decades had their super crappy movies as well, but even the movies I like from this decade don’t seem to have the charm or humor of a lot of 80s or 90s movies. Anyway. I digress.

I don’t know if any of you have ever seen Airplane, but well…it’s a love story, a comedy, and a story of a bunch of people flying on an airplane (obviously). There are so many little scenes that stand out in my head, that randomly pop up when I fly on an airplane. Of course, none of those things would ever happen on an airplane, especially not today, but it always makes me laugh a little to myself when I’m stuck on a plane.

…………And, apparently LAX doesn’t have free Wi-Fi. Grrrrrrrrr. I knew there was a reason I should’ve written this yesterday. *sigh* Ah, well, hopefully I can find Wi-Fi when we get to Hawaii while we’re waiting for our rental car or something.

Oh, and to Bridgette: I do know where all the dorm buildings are on campus, I just meant that I don’t know that one building is necessarily better than another one. And we finally got our assignments today. I’m in Melia hall, room 205. So. However, in that same e-mail, they said that basically the dorms are a mess because they’re moving in new furniture in September, and we don’t have desks. Great. Hopefully I’ll find a way to manage until they finish renovating. Bleurgh.

I’m going to go try to walk around a little bit now once my parents return. That way it won’t feel quite as bad sitting on my butt on a plane for 6 hours straight.

Cheers!

Word of the day: torpor--apathy or sluggishness

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "Be not afraid of growing slowly; be afraid only of standing still." -Proverb

Current location: LAX

*Most everyone else thought she was evil, but she’s actually very nice and very helpful if you make the effort to talk to her.

**Especially because I don’t have many chances to hang out with friends, so I hate when I have to say no or cut the time short because of a test or essay.

The College Blog

I don't even know what to write today. I'm just trying to stay calm as I prepare to leave for COLLEGE!!!!!!!!! I'm excited, but I'm also quite anxious. I truly hope I can thrive in college, certainly more than I thrived in high school. I hope that even when I'm living on my own I can stay strong and keep my hope.

Anyway. I've basically finished packing. I haven't put my laptop in there yet (obviously), and there's a few things I want to make sure are okay to bring. That they make sense to bring.

I'm going to miss my kitty cat so much. :( She's been sleeping on my bed all day and periodically coming onto my lap and rubbing against me, purring and purring. I feel like she knows something is going on. I love her. I'm going to miss her over the next 4 months. She always knows how to comfort me. *sigh* I need to print out a picture of her or find an old one, because I need her adorable face in front of me while I'm at college.

They still haven't given us our dorm assignments, which I'm assuming means they're just going to give them to us on Monday. Unfortunately. I mean, I'm not sure it really matters all that much, since I don't know any difference between the 6 dorm buildings, but I did want my address before I got there so I could leave it with people. I'm hoping I do get along with my roommates in person. It's going to be a weird adjustment living with 2 people constantly. Especially because I'm shy...I've gotten better though. This summer at work I started talking to each of my coworkers before they talked to me that first day when I was alone with either one of them, so...yeah. Hopefully I'll still have the courage to speak to my roommates if they don't really talk to me first. I think it's important that we try to understand each other and get to know each other so that even if we don't become best friends, we're also not weirded out by each other. I had a friend say her roommate never talks and is constantly in the computer lab, so that must be awkward--how would you know if they even wanted to talk to you? So yeah. Hopefully that won't happen. I don't think it will, because we talked quite a bit on Facebook, all three of us, and we did seem to get along and all wanted the roommate thing to work out well. I guess we'll see on Monday?

I feel like maybe I should talk about something other than college, but that's really all I've been doing today. Packing, cleaning, etc.

.....................

I've also been watching The X-Files while I've been packing. Man, I'm glad NetFlix has every episode streaming, because while I'm almost done with the mythology episodes, I've also been watching some regular ones lately, and I really would love to just start over again from the beginning and watch every episode.

It's weird watching the episodes where Mulder and Scully aren't assigned to The X-Files anymore. O_o I mean, they mostly still investigate x-files and get in trouble, but it's just very odd. I'd forgotten how long that little storyline went on, too.

Also, I hate Diana Fowley. Just saying.

Oh, and I made this picture from screenshots earlier. I must say I'm quite proud of it. I've always loved the parallel the directors make between the first and last episodes:

I have been amused all day by Maureen's freak outs over the hurricane, even though she did finally get her flight moved. She is a very hilarious woman. I want her life.

Okay, and I know I'm no meteorologist, and maybe this is mean, but I think it would be hilarious if everyone evacuates New York City and it doesn't even flood. I agree with the mayor that it's better to be safe than dead, but if that's the case...I am definitely going to laugh at them. Of course, if it does flood, then it's definitely a good thing they all left!

Funny Headline: Irene stalks East Coast

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This is definitely not my best blog, but whatever. I still need to write my one for tomorrow so that way I can set it to post at a specific time in case I can't get internet during one of our layovers. Since we're in Phoenix for 5 hours, I hope I'll find an internet connection and be able to update y'all in my blog, but you know, just in case.....

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, College!!!!!!!!!! Yaaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!!! =)

Cheers!

Word of the Day: footle--to act or talk in a foolish or silly way

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "You're alive. That means you have infinite potential. You can do anything, make anything, dream anything. If you change the world, the world will change." -Neil Gaiman

Days until I leave for college: T-12 hours and counting....

The Fallen, Rising Again

Tomorrow is my last day in Colorado. O_o

I spent pretty much all of today cleaning my room. So I have tomorrow to make sure I've packed everything I need. I will check my list, make sure I think I have everything, and probably still freak out that I've forgotten something. Because that's the way I am. I just have to make absolute sure I remember to bring all of my various USB cords for my electronics and my KEYS so that I have my flash drive and a place to put my ID and whatever keys I need for college. So yeah. Let's hope I don't forget any of those things, because that would be bad. I mean, I also want to check off that I have enough clothes (Socks!!!!), the shoes I want, books, movies, small toiletries, swimsuit, etc, etc, other vital things for living in a place. But anyway.

I am currently watching "Rising: Rebuilding Ground Zero" on the Discovery channel, and parts of it really are making me cry. I mean, I cry very easily, but whatever. The producers of the show did a beautiful job with this show. It's more than rebuilding the World Trade Center, it's rebuilding hope and home for America. It's filling that hole in the hearts of those who survived and those who remembered. It's filling a hole in the world. Also, the people they are interviewing, the stories they are telling...my god. It's just so heart-wrenching, but powerful.

This image forever brings tears to my eyes.

I know that a lot of people in our country have their own ideas about what happened on 9/11 and that an awful lot of people think we should "get over it," but I will always be sentimental about anything that has to do with 9/11. I think it's so important to have closure for this event. This event changed the way we live. It changed the way I live. It changed our country. There's no denying how powerful it was for everyone who remembers it. I was only 8, but my dad was in the military and I knew from the first time I saw the replay of the plane hitting in school that something big had happened. Everything was about to change.

And man, the designs these people are making, the new towers, are absolutely breathtaking.

Rising Anew.

10 years. It blows my mind that it's been 10 years. Elementary schoolers today weren't alive for the event. A lot of middle schoolers don't remember the event because they were too young. But those images are forever etched into my memory and will always bring tears to my mind.

I have enormous respect for the architects who have made it their life goal to build this. To complete Tower 1.

These people are the hope for our country. They embody everything America stands for. <3

The fallen are rising again.

In their memory

.....................................................................................................

I walked to the mall today in the rain. It was lovely because I love rain, but I did get quite wet because for the first half of the walk I couldn't have my umbrella open because the wind just turned it inside out.* But I enjoyed it. I'm sure the people in their cars who passed me thought I was either crazy or homeless. I love rain, though, so who really cares what strangers think? It's probably good preparation for walking to class in Hawaii, though. It rains a lot on the windward campus.

I basically took two showers today, though, except I didn't have soap when I was in the rain. ;)

Okay. I'm going to go back to just enjoying this beautiful Discovery Channel special now. Tomorrow I will be freaking out. Wooooooo, college!!!!

Cheers!

Word of the Day: anew--once more, in a new or different, typically more positive, way

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "This tower will be a symbol of hope rising from a scene of tragedy." -Rising: Rebuilding Ground Zero

Days until I leave for college: 1!!!!!!!!!!!

*I learned this by trying to walk with my umbrella and then having it turn inside out on me in front of a bunch of cars. I was embarrassed, but I learned. To just get wet.

CNN Comments

Happy Birthday, John Green!!!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for everything you have taught me in your books and videos over the past 4 years. You have seriously changed my life. My Sunday blog this week will be in your (and Hank's) honor. I hope you had an amazing birthday. :D

...................................

I think I have been posting too much on Tumblr lately. I have especially been posting too much about the X-Files. I kind of have these bouts where 5 or 10 posts in a row are all about the same thing--Harry Potter, The X-Files, a movie, a book, whatever. I hope my followers (all 38 of them...) don't think it's annoying. It's just the way my mind works. So yeah.

Man, it's a good thing there's only a week left of blogging every day. Because I am seriously running out of ideas.

I guess I will resort to the news.

While I'm in bed, before I fall asleep, I read the news on CNN on my phone. I start with the headlines, and move on to World, Health, Travel, and Justice. There was an article on CNNHealth yesterday "NY, DC briefly shaken by 9/11 memories during earthquake." It was a rather well-written article by CNN's standards,* discussing how even people who don't suffer from full on PTSD can experience short rather severe anxiety attacks when they experience something similar to what happened during a traumatic event. I personally can absolutely understand why in the first second of feeling a building shaking, the people of New York or DC would think it was a bomb or an aftershock from a bomb. And each person interviewed in the article said that after that first feeling of terror, they rationalized and realized it was an earthquake.

What bothered me was the comments people were leaving on the article. I wanted to post an example here, but it appears that CNN has deleted the really mean comments since last night. Good for them.

There were a lot of people criticizing the people of New York for not being able to get over 9/11, which I thought was completely useless and ridiculously insensitive. Perhaps our country does relate too many events to 9/11, but there's no denying it was a huge event for our country, changing the way we live. We do live a bit more in fear now. Which isn't necessarily a good thing, since that is the point of terrorism, but it's also not something that's going to go away after only 10 years. That would be like telling a soldier suffering PTSD from Vietnam to just get over it already, that was 40 years ago. And I don't mean that's the same kind of PTSD, because it absolutely is not. What I am saying is that we have no right to tell other people how they should feel or react to an event. The people of New York still remember the tragedy of that day, the explosions and fire, the feeling of buildings near the Twin Towers shaking. So, yeah, first thought, probably a panicking one. Of course.

I'm just saying we shouldn't be judging anyone on how they feel after any event. Each and every single person has a valid reaction and valid feelings. I know how it feels to have someone tell you to not feel a certain way, and that does nothing. You still feel that way deep down, you just stuff it until it comes up eventually and is so much worse.

In general, I'm not really a fan of CNN's reporting--they feature some very mundane articles that don't really seem like news--but I liked this article. It made sense. It went deeper than the general "aaaaaaaaaaa, earthquake on the East Coast" article, but was still informative. Yay!

While we're still discussing the news, my dad made a funny comment yesterday after one of the news articles in The Denver Post quoted someone saying, "Gaddafi's days are numbered." Said my dad, "But they didn't say how manydays." ;D

I also feel like I should be paying more attention than I am to what's happening with all that in Libya, but my French teacher was kind of obsessed with it back in April, so I stopped really wanting to know because I didn't enjoy that class. But I do try to pay attention more now.

Yay, we're famous!!!!!! Let's have more earthquakes!!

Anyway. I have been working on thoroughly cleaning my room and finishing up packing. Tomorrow I will do my last load of laundry and pack everything away, and finish cleaning my room. And also walk to the mall to buy a one-piece Speedo at the sports store. It's only 54 hours until we leave the house to go to the airport. O_o

Okay, and I'm sure you guessed this by now, but I love words. And today Dictionary.com had a cool article saying why "Irene" is a funny name for a hurricane. You will see why in today's word of the day here.

Cheers!

Word of the Day: irenic--tending to promote peace or reconciliation; peaceful or conciliatory

Inspirational quote/photo of the day:

Days until I leave for college: 2

*I actually don't really like CNN, but nytimes.com doesn't work well on my phone. CNN works beautifully. So I deal with it. It's boring, so it helps me fall asleep. When I get into trouble is when I start finding articles I actually want to read...

Cats in Suitcases

Eurgh. Still having problems deciding on what books to take to college.

So far, I have chosen: An Abundance of Katherines, Looking for Alaska, Paper Towns, Peter Pan, Three Cups of Tea,Just Listen, The Truth About Forever, The Bell Jar, and The Hunger Games. All books I love, but certainly not the only books I like to read. =( But we really don't have enough room in either our suitcases or in my dorm for a lot of books. So perhaps I will just be sad and lonely without my bookshelves full of books. *sigh* I also have to bring my 5 novels for Anthropology and Literature with me, as well as my Oceanography textbook. So yeah. I really DON'T have room. Sad, sad, sad day.

I got two of the books for school today though. One of the novels and my huge Oceanography textbook. Seriously. A good 1/4 of our carry-on will be taken up by that one textbook. So hopefully I end up enjoying that class. :)

I also started putting the DVDs I want to take in one of those CD cases people keep in their cars, so now I can bring my favorite movies and I can bring my lovely Doctor Who DVDs. I love Doctor Who. :D I might decide to bring a few other TV shows, but probably not. I'm thinking about getting a cheap Netflix account so I can watch streaming on my computer, and 30 Rock, X-Files, and several other old TV shows I like are on there, so yeah. I'm certainly good on what movies I'm taking. Books are different. Clearly.

Ebony wants to come with me to college. =( I'm going to miss her so much.

Anyway. Today I hung out for a few hours with one of my (few) good friends from high school. I love her, and I'm going to miss her, but a lot of the talk we had about high school reminded me how much I hated high school. The thing I've realized is that I'm going to miss my teachers and a select few people I went to school with, but I'm not going to miss the experiences or atmosphere of my high school. I just really did not like high school. Hopefully college will be much much better? Yes? =D

I was talking to one of my friends earlier this summer, and we both made the comment, "High school literally almost killed me." So yes. Clearly I am not about to start missing high school. I liked my teachers and the subject matter we studied. I liked working hard.* I'm going to miss my Chemistry and Biology teachers. I liked studying with friends and talking with them before and in between classes. But....other than that, no to high school. I didn't like the atmosphere of my high school. I hated how dirty and full of trash it was. I had a lot of bad memories from high school.

So. I'm hoping I can stay in touch with the friends I loved from high school, and leave the rest of it behind me.

I did have a good time with my friend today, though. We went on a short little hike in my favorite park here.** Then we went and got tea at Starbucks. And we spent a lot of time talking. It was nice because she cared enough to want to hang out with me and say goodbye before I leave for college. And she was always there to talk to and hang out with throughout middle and high school, unlike most people from school. So yes. It was good to see her.

Also, there was supposedly a pretty big earthquake in Colorado last night. But I definitely did not notice it at all. It says it happened around midnight, and that's about when I went to bed, so I don't understand why I didn't notice. It was in Trinidad, which is a good 2 hours away from where I live, but supposedly people in Greeley felt it, and that's much farther away. I'm kind of disappointed I missed the earthquake, since they're so rare here. *sigh*

I did think it was funny though that when the much bigger one happened on the East Coast during the day, everyone was just posting about it on Twitter and Facebook. There was a funny post from one of the people I follow on Tumblr saying, "After the reaction to the earthquake today, I now know that when the Apocalypse happens everyone will just stand around posting about it on Twitter." Which is sad, but is also probably true in our world today. Kind of like how everyone was on Facebook when they found out Osama bin Laden was dead in May. Ah, internet. How you skew the way we react to big events. So strange, so wrong. I love the internet, but it has changed the way we get news and then react to it.

Okay. I leave you with a beautiful sunset picture and a cheery goodbye.

Cheers!

Word of the Day: popinjay--a person given to vain, pretentious displays and empty chatter

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "It is obvious that we can no more explain a passion to a person who has never experienced it than we can explain light to the blind." -T.S. Eliot

Days until I leave for college: 3.15

*I didn't really like the busy homework, but I always rather enjoyed writing essays and papers.

**Short because it was so hot today. I have, however, discovered that if I put a bag filled with ice on the back of my neck, I can tolerate the heat in my room.

Fight the Future

Lazy day. Still not feeling great. There must be some reason for this, because feeling so crappy about 80% of the time cannot be normal. *sigh*

But anyway. I got all of my clothes AND the comforter I'm taking to college to fit into one suitcase. And a few shoes, my hair straightener, and my hair curler fit in that suitcase so far too. Probably a few other things will as well, but I haven't finished putting together everything I'm going to pack yet.

I made a list too of the movies I want to take to college, but the hardest part is going to be deciding what books to take. We don't even really have room for a bookshelf in our dorms (they are very small) and the desks don't have much room either. But I LOVE books. So much. Even when I don't have time to read them during the school year, there's something so comforting about staring at my two full bookshelves and all the different colored bindings. And I love to read at least a little before I go to bed. So it's going to be really hard to choose. I'm certainly bringing my John Green books and the Sarah Dessen ones. And I would love to bring all of my Harry Potter books, but I'm not sure that's possible. They just weigh far too much. *sigh* I feel like most girls fret over what shoes to bring to college, but I could really care less. Argh. I recognize that I probably won't even have much time to read because of homework, but I want some of my books with me. Books comfort me more than anything else. When I'm lonely or sad or want a piece of home, I can escape into a book and I immediately feel better. So we'll see. This will definitely be the hardest part of packing for college. =(

I also watched The X-Files: Fight the Future today. I love the X-File so so much. :) I know I wrote about this last year for BEDA, but I don't care.

I think I just really love the faith and perseverance of both Mulder and Scully. They are both searching desperately for the truth and for something missing inside of them. They begin as coworkers, develop into friends, and eventually the love just blossoms from their hearts. And no matter what obstacles come their way, they don't give up. I believe they have a deep spiritual connection with another and that's so rare in our world today. I especially admire Ms. Dana Scully for her strength throughout cancer, sickness, losing Mulder, pregnancy, struggling to believe. I wish I had her strength. It's also rare to have such a strong female lead in a show even now, so her character inspires me. And my god, Gillian is a lovely actress. She portrays the part perfectly every single time.

I really love the spiritual aspect of the show as well. The faith and the connection to something much deeper and much more important than our own material world. Whether that thing is truly alien or not I don't know and I don't really think matters, but there is certainly some power out there in the universe beyond ourselves. And if we connect to it, we will live so much larger than we do now. It's what I've been trying to do for the past year--reach out to the sky, to the stars, beyond my dark place, and search for the light in the world. And I believe I've found something missing--hope. I think in the end Mulder and Scully discovered that too.

"I once had a talk with Mulder about starlight. How it’s billions of years old. Stars that are now long dead whose light is still traveling through time. It won’t die, that light. Maybe that’s the only thing that never does. He said that’s where souls reside. I hope he’s right." -Dana Scully

I can often be heard saying that I want a relationship like the one Mulder and Scully have. Their deep spiritual connection is amazing. They truly are on a life journey together. They are equals. Always. Such a beautiful and deep connection that they have. My words from earlier this summer: "I want a guy who's a full person, complete with his past and emotioanl issues. I want a guy who doesn't hide from the darkness. I want a guy who trusts. I want a guy I can grow with and learn with, comfort when he's upset, and who can comfort me. I want to travel on a journey with someone and find a sort of truth and peace. I want a guy like Mulder."

Oh, and I so do. But at this point in my life I'm thinking "aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, I'm never going to have a boyfriend." The only "boyfriend" I've had was when I was 12, and I'm not really sure that counts, we were so young and we were friends and I think we were just trying it out. So mostly I just get really sad. I would love to have a man I could grow with and who loves me for all of me. Ah, Mulder. If only you were a real guy. I'd search for the aliens with you.

I WANT THIS. Such closeness and such trust.

Anyway. Sorry for that. But I do love The X-Files.

Tomorrow I get to hang out with a good friend. I've had a lot of that lately, and I'm grateful. My beautiful family of girls yesterday especially reminded me of the strength I have and that I can still hold onto it in college. But these are the people I'm going to miss. =/ It's bittersweet saying goodbye.

Well, bed now. At some point tomorrow I'll pick out which books to bring and which to leave here. Sad.

Okay, after all of that depressing and thoughtful stuff in the blog today, here's a funny cat picture to end:

Cheers!

Word of the Day: diaphanous--very sheer and light; almost completely transparent or translucent

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "My whole belief system is that our paths are drawn for us. I believe in reincarnation. I believe we're here to learn and grow. We choose how we come into this life based on what it is we have to learn. Some people have harder lessons than others." -Gillian Anderson

Days until I leave for college: 4

Discover Yourself

This is not going to be a very long blog post today, nor a very long top ten post. I'm in a kind of weird mood, I'm really tired, and I've been feeling nauseous all day.* :( Sad day. Well...kind of. The afternoon was good, and I packed clothes into space bags.** So anyway. I will make quick top ten list for you with shorter explanations than usual.

Ooooooooooo, I just put IcyHot on my super sore back 5 minutes ago and it feels so so good now. IcyHot is lovely. A lovely lovely tube of medicine and relief.

Okay. So I did have a lovely 3 hours in the afternoon where, despite still not feeling great, I allowed myself to open up and breathe and dance and cry and love. I love the girls I meet with every month and how they open their minds and hearts to me and all of my crazy feelings and thoughts. They are such beautiful people and I am so blessed to know every single one of them--they have inspired me and helped me grow in so many ways. I'm going to miss them while I'm at college, and I hope we can continue to meet whenever I'm home.

Dance and art and creativity have helped me so much in the past year to grow and grieve. Especially to grieve. It's still hard for me to put my sadness into words, so art and particularly dance have allowed me to open up my heart and really feel that sadness.

Alas. I now present you with Kat's Top Ten Reasons to Express Yourself Creatively:

1. You can start to feel things you really need to feel.

.....I don't really know how to explain this one. I think you really have to experience this phenomenon to know how much creative expression opens up your heart and eyes.

2. It helps you discover lost parts of yourself.

When you've experienced a lot of loss or darkness, often you begin to avoid the world and avoid that darkness. In that process, you lose pieces of yourself. Creative expression can help you put those pieces back together.

3. To find the ground under your feet.

When one is falling and lost, stuck in a dark place, often using creative expression helps you to find a little bit of light and feel the ground under your feet rather than falling through that black hole. It might take a while, but eventually it will help. Help you open up a little at least to the light and to accept the help and support and love offered by those close to you.

4. To share yourself with the world.

Share your heart. Your losses. Your experiences. Your dark places. How you learned to fly. Etc, etc.

5. It helps you to express things that cannot be put into words.

I'm bad a talking, so this one is really important to me. But some griefs and losses and emotions just can't be expressed with words. They go deeper than that. They mean something more than the connotations of English words. So art or dance or any other creative expression...I believe they help as long as your heart remains open to the possibilities.

6. GROWTH.

Obvious? Maybe? I don't know. I've always found that expressing myself creatively allows me to grow in a way that I can't always just through talking.

7. Hope and faith.

This one also seems kind of obvious. Just find that little bit of hope inside yourself and place it in your heart for the future dark days.

8. You have more story material now.

...Let's say you're at a different party by now. A much more intimate one, with people you know and like. You can tell stories about your experiences now that you yourself understand them better. Or you can tell stories about spilling paint, leaving on hot glue guns, etc, etc, bad art mishaps. ;D

9. To connect with people.

I've experienced this many times. I have a tough time talking to people about my most intimate feelings and experiences still, but if I share art or dance or sometimes even writing, I feel people understand me better. I understand myself better. And especially when I find people who also pour their hearts out into art. I connect almost immediately.

10. You can blog. :)

Clearly. Just share the ways you've found to express yourself and describe how they've helped. Do a how-to maybe on making origami or knitting. Share yourself.

....I would post pictures of some of my own art, but I don't really feel like taking pictures at the moment. Goodness, I'm tired. At some point I might go back and edit this post to further explain my thought. But just know I put a lot of faith and trust in creative expression, because it's helped me a lot. When I'm happy, sad, grieving, falling, almost dying...it always seems to help. And it's amazing.

Okay. Bedtime now. *sigh*

Cheers!

Word of the Day: wanderlust--a strong, innate desire to rove or travel about.

Inspirational quote/photo of the day:

Days until I leave for college: 5

*Aaaaaaaack. I hate feeling sick. I really do. And I want this constant sick feeling to go away. Bleurgh. Eurgh. *sigh*

**Space bags are a lifesaver.

Confessions of a Nerd Girl Part XI

Hello!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D

We went horseback riding today. As I said my last confessions post, I hate wearing jeans (for various reasons). But horseback riding is the only thing I'll break my no jeans rule for. It's been a long time since I've been riding, so I was a little nervous, but it all came back to me during the hour we were riding--about halfway through I finally got the hang of moving with the horse when it's trotting so you don't bounce up and down all the time. But it did remind me how much I miss camp and being around horses and taking care of them and riding them and teaching younger girls about them...*sigh* I truly wish I could've spent more of the past years with horses.

Anyway. Enough with the nostalgia and regret. Let's move on. Confession time!!!

1. I love dancing.

This is something I'd say not a lot of people know about me or would guess about me, since I do hate school dances and rarely actually dance at them. And I suppose that's because the music they play at those types of dances doesn't really...speak to me. I don't move in that way, to that type of music.

But I started dancing I think when I was around 4. In Texas I did ballet and tap dancing, and I have some really adorable pictures of me in crazy dance costumes wearing my mom's make-up. I remember liking dancing, but I certainly don't remember any of the dances we actually did...I was too young and it was too long ago.

For whatever reason, my parents didn't get me into dance when we moved to Colorado. I know I danced in Texas partially because of the convenience--my Catholic school had dance classes after school. And maybe I didn't ask to get back into dancing? I seriously have no idea. BUT, once I was in middle school, one of my really close friends mentioned she did dance at a place in town that wasn't too expensive and was very open to beginning or near-beginning dancers. So I originally started with a ballet class at age 12, and moved on to doing a "funky jazz" class--which basically meant we did jazz moves, more sophisticated, but with a little edge on them and to significantly different music. And I continued that until age 14. I know I stopped because I wanted to swim at school (which crashed and burned) but also because I wasn't really dancing with friends anymore. And I wasn't really finding myself, finding a way to express myself in the types of dances our teachers had us doing. I loved it, but it wasn't quite what I was looking for. Plus this was around the time I got super self-conscious and no longer believed I had any sort of grace on the dance floor.

.........I just realized that I am basically taking you on a journey of my life. Woops. Sorry. I'll get to the point soon.

So for a good 3 years I just pretended I hated dancing.* Until I was in the hospital this fall, and one of our groups was movement group. The first day in that class, I found myself. Which was amazing, because that was the point in my life where I was completely and totally lost, out of my body, falling through a black hole. But that first day...I just reached out and started moving with the other girls until we put together a beautiful dance to a song I recommended. I really opened up in a way I could in no other place, through no other means of expression.

While I was there, then, I choreographed a dance to one of my favorite songs with the movement instructor, trying to find a way to tell my story with my body. I hadn't yet been able to tell my full story with words or pictures, but somehow I think I managed to show with my body what I couldn't say. Of course, I didn't see the dance, but I know what I felt every time I performed it, and I know how the people I cared so much about and grew with reacted to it.

So yes. I love dancing. Moving my body allows me to express the thoughts and fears and emotions I cannot put out into the world in any other way. Dancing orients me in my own body and emotions, guiding me through pain and tears. I just close my eyes, take a deep breath, and move. Somewhere in that time, I find peace. I no longer pay attention to the world around me or the voices whispering in my ear. All of the sudden, I'm just me. And I can fly.

2. I would much rather live in a small town than a big city.

I mean...I have nothing against big cities. I love Boston, and that's a really big city. I had fun in New York. I live in one of the top 50 cities in the US by population. But deep down, I would much rather visit these places than live in them. It's a bit too much noise, too many cars, and too far away from nature.

I'd love to live in a small mountain town or a little village down by the sea. I want to step out of my door into a deep forest or be able to smell the ocean breeze. I want to live in a close-knit community. I could really care less about the claim that "there's more to do in big cities.**" I can entertain myself just fine on my own. As long as I have books, nature, and some music, I'm happy.

3. I wish I was better at making friends.

*sigh* I don't mean to say that I'm completely shy. I've gotten better at talking to people and bonding with them. I'm not so afraid of going up to someone and talking to them anymore. But I just get the feeling a lot of the time that I really don't have that many friends. The people I was "friends" with at school really don't seem to care about me otherwise. The people I've spent the most time with--at Harry Potter conferences, at camp, in the hospital--are the ones I feel I can say I'm truly friends with. Because we took the time to bond and laugh and go a little crazy.

The thing is, I'm not really sure what I do different in those situations that make people want to be friends. Maybe it's the hanging out thing? But I do try to hang out with people from school, and it never works. Perhaps I just fit in with certain groups of people better than others, and I'm more likely to meet those people in a small, intimate, somewhat crazy setting than I am in the boring halls of high school.

Let's hope I make some good, caring friends at college, yes?

...........This entire blog entry was kind of intimate and probably a little to pensive. Sorry. These are just the three confessions I thought of today. To make up for all of that, I will give you a funny comic here:

Cheers!

Word of the Day: conglobate--to form into a ball

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: “There are times when the simple dignity of movement can fulfill the function of a volume of words.” -Doris Humphrey

Days until I leave for college: 6.25

*Which was partially true, because I really am not a fan of the dancing people do at school dances.

**This claim is totally not true anyway. There's certainly more to do in New York or Chicago, but this is not true of all/most big cities.