Suddenly Free?

When the semester ends, I always find myself walking around in a dazed state, blinking in the sudden bright warm sunlight like a bear after winter. I'm constantly confused and anxious, feeling like I should be doing something. But I shouldn't. I mean, yes, I know I'm not totally free. I have some scholarship and study abroad stuff to take care of. I should probably start revising my novel or I'll never get around to it. I should probably review orgo stuff some before I forget everything and have to relearn it next semester.

But for now, at least, I am free. And it's weird. I keep waking up at 7:30 for no reason, when I always managed to press snooze enough during the semester to sleep in until 8:00 or 8:15...

By and large, though, I'm enjoying it. I haven't watched TV, really, in months. I haven't wandered around Tumblr for weeks. I was free to watch and participate in the Project for Awesome in which I donated to receive this lovely gift from John: a new eBook! I'm still considering doing the $10 for Maureen's laughs, too. Because, heck, it's Christmas season. And I like charities. And I'm celebrating the end of the semester.

After I finished the semester by turning in my psych paper (which was a weird way to be "done") and returned my books, I had the lovely opportunity to relax on the beach and snorkel underwater with my friends--my roommate and the fish. It was wonderful to be underwater again. I love feeling like I could live and swim down there with such beautiful and fascinating creatures, even though that opportunity depends on having a hollow stick in my mouth poking above the water... ;)

And then I worked for the next three days.

But today was especially weird.

Least stressful travel day I think I've ever experienced.

I woke up at 7:30 again, because apparently now that I have nowhere I have to be, I love waking up early. I proceeded to do nothing until about 8:30 except run into my door handle and give myself a large bruise on my arm. Fun times. Ate breakfast and again did nothing until I left at 10:00 for an appointment, last Christmas gifts, and mailing of Christmas gifts. Then lunch. Aaaaaaaaaaaand...I have done nothing since then. And I still have just under 2 hours until I have to leave for the airport.

WEIRD.

Seriously, I cannot remember ever having a non-stressful travel day. Of course, when coming to Hawaii, I have to leave early in the morning. In May we finished moving stuff to our apartment before I went to the airport (and my shuttle was late, so fun). Last December was still relatively relaxed ,though it involved sitting in the airport for 8 hours because I couldn't stay in the dorms.

I have plenty of other fun crazy airport stories involving trying to get connecting flights, almost missing flights, leaving super early, etc. But basically...

What?

Since when do I have time to run errands in the morning before my flight? Since when do I not have to rush at night to make sure everything is packed for the morning? Since when do I not even have to leave for the airport until 19:00?

What is this stress-free existence?

It's very weird. But I'm enjoying it. And I'm excited to go home. So, so excited. I hope my friends stick true to their words, saying they want to hang out with me. Because I'm in desperate need of some hugs and laughs and fun memories. I've realized that my main problem this semester has been that I don't get or give enough hugs.

I absolutely LOVE hugs. I had friends in high school who I'd hug every day. One of the reasons I love HP conferences so much is the constant hugging. And I really miss it. A hug can say so much and be so comforting. It can transfer more love and emotion than words could ever do.

I'm looking forward to hugs. And cuddling with my cat. And dinners with my family. And walks in the chilly, fresh Colorado sunshine.

The ocean will be waiting for me in January, and the salt in my blood will yearn for it until then.

For now  I'm ready for some good solid loving time at home, free from stress. I hope I can rebuild my foundation of love and stop doubting myself so much. Because, after all, home is where I was reborn 2 years ago. I think know it can happen again.

Word of the day: enantiodromic--characteristic of something that has become its opposite
Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "There are those who receive as birthright an adequate or at least unquestioned sense of self and those who set out to reinvent themselves, for survival or satisfaction, and travel far. Some people inherit values and practices as a house they inhabit, some of us have to burn that house, find our own ground, build from scratch, even as a psychological metamorphosis." -Rebecca Solnit, a Field Guide to Getting Lost
Days until home: 0.71 (17 hours!!!)