The Anxiety Chronicles

So I totally forgot to mention this yesterday, but I updated my about me section. Not a lot, just with some current information about me* and a few more things I like/hate/am obsessed with. I also added my tumblr, if you know...any of you use tumblr.

Also, I've realized that I pretty much never finish these blog posts in one sitting. Like yesterday, I wrote most of that dorm stuff, went on a walk with my dad, and then finished the dorm stuff and wrote about the riots. And the day before that I wrote about half of the top ten list before dinner, and then didn't finish it until 12:40 am...Woops. And I KNOW I'm not going to write this blog post in one sitting, because I'm about to go eat lunch in 20 minutes. So maybe that's why my blog posts seem so random most of the time...**

I never called my advisor last night. My parents and I instead went to talk to our neighbors because the daughter will be taking care of our cats when we go to Hawaii. And you know what's amazing? WE ACTUALLY HAVE NICE NEIGHBORS NOW. I mean, I'm not saying our neighbors are all mean or creepy or anything, but none of them really talk to us. And there's a guy two doors down who I swear is a serial killer or something, because my dad and I went to go swimming at 5 in the morning once a few years ago and he was totally digging a hole in his front yard.*** Aaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!! Creepy. But I really should call her after lunch and at least leave a message. I really think I should change my math class, so yeah...

*pause for 9 hours*

Well that was certainly an interesting 9 hours. My sister and I did a photoshoot outside in the afternoon, which I thought would be a good idea, until I remembered how much I have body image issues. The photoshoot did not help this. I almost never like how I look in pictures, especially pictures in which I'm not smiling, and that's always how my sister says we should look in photoshoots--no smile, serious face, staring off in some random direction. Bleurgh. Like all of my sister's pictures look amazing, and I looked at all of the ones of me and I liked none of them. So yeah. Not a good idea. Or a good way to spend the afternoon.

*sigh* I know this probably sounds kind of petty, like some stupid white girl living in a nice country, but it's a big issue for me, something that I work hard to overcome. I try to remind myself I'm not perfect and no one is, but maybe I just shouldn't allow people to take pictures of me. :( Or at least not photoshoot, modely type photos. I have enough body image and anxiety issues. I don't need to throw pictures in. I think I tend to like the way I look in spontaneous, happy pictures much better. So yeah.

I would like to say I could move onto something happier after that, but nope. I was doing okay, my dad came home, we were going to go on a walk, etc, etc. And then my stepmom came home. And was all crazy, which I wasn't aware of at first. So I was all waiting for my dad, reading Half-Blood Prince on my couch, and about 30 minutes later I went up to ask him why we hadn't left yet, and he and my stepmom were clearly fighting, and he said we weren't going to walk until after dinner. The first thing I thought was "great, I could've called my advisor in this time then," but then I moved on to other things, such as being upset. My dad yelled at me for something very small, and while I knew he wasn't angry at me really, but at her, I went upstairs and kind of sat on my bed staring at the ceiling for a while. And then apparently I fell asleep.****

Uck. Things got worse from there, with my stepmom going crazy about cleaning the house since my sister's boyfriend is coming tomorrow, more crazy yelling and fights, blah blah blah, I don't want to go into details because that's all kind of personal, blah blah, we didn't start walking until 8:00. It was just stupid because our house wasn't all that messy, but my stepmom kind of has this thing where she wants people to accept her so she acts all weird and not at all like herself when people come to visit her, probably because she's afraid people won't like the "real her." Which I realize is a perfectly normal thing. I worry people won't like me either. But I don't go all crazy neurotic and try to fix everything. It bothers me, a lot, but sometimes you just have to accept who you are and hope people will like you for it.

Anyway. I realize all of this does sound petty and boring and like a lot of complaining. I am very grateful to live in the country I do (most of the time...if you ignore our failing economy). I am glad to have a caring father and a sister I can usually talk to. I'm thankful to have close and supportive friends, even if not all of them live very close to me. I am grateful to still be alive this year, for reasons I have not yet shared on this blog but may one Saturday if someone seems interested. I am so so incredibly lucky and grateful to be attending Hawaii Pacific University, where I can pursue my passion in marine biology at a wonderful school in a beautiful place. I am thankful to have the food, heat, shelter, water, comforts I need to stay alive.

But even with all that, I can't help the way I feel. I'm sick of this fighting every night. I love my dad, and I watched him be abused by my mother, and now I feel like a lot of the time my stepmom is doing the same thing. I probably shouldn't be saying all of this on a blog, but I can only hope that she never reads this. I would say this to her face, but I've had enough of her yelling and tears and denial for a lifetime. Maybe I'll have the courage to someday. I hope I will. But I feel I have to say it somewhere, even if it's strangers reading this, because I learned a lot time ago that holding things in does absolutely nothing for me.

*sigh* And the riots are continuing in England, although London is quiet. I'm betting that's only because of all of the police though, and the rioters have just spread out to other cities. Which sucks. (Big Understatement, but I don't really know what else to say)

ANYWAY. I'm sorry for all of the complaining/sadness/anxiety. But it wasn't a good day. So I will end this blog on a happy note.

Things that made me happy today:

1) Reading Half-Blood Prince

2) Walking

3) Talking to my roommates more, we still get along really well. :) Lots of stuff in common so far it seems.

4) Harry Potter themed Bananagrams to escape the yelling*****

5) My cat sleeping under my umbrella

6) Scaring beetles with my dad on our walk******

Oh, and another funny thing. Before bed, I read the news on my phone. I start with CNN, and usually I'm asleep after 3 articles. But last night I apparently wasn't tired enough, and I moved on to Cracked with their article "7 items you won't believe are actually legal." One of them Salvia Divinorum, which is apparently a drug, though not one I know. But the first thing I thought was it sounded like some Harry Potter spell. And it totally does. :D

Also, I love these cats. We all need to think like the little black cat here:

Oh! And I finally figured out how to look at my credits for college, and all of my IB courses have awarded me 36 credit hours already at HPU. SCORE. I am totally a sophomore, credit-wise. This means I can really focus on marine biology and the study abroad I want to do. :)

Again, sorry. Not a very exciting blog post. But I'm anxious and upset this evening, so I wasn't really going to be able to write about anything else. I truly, truly hope tomorrow is better and that I finally talk to my advisor. Seriously.

Cheers!

Word of the day: gimcrack--a showy object of little use or value

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "Happiness arises in a state of peace, not of tumult." -Ann Radcliffe

Days until I leave for college: 17*******

*Like my age, only 6 months after I turned 18...

**No. It's just because I'm always random. But I like that I can have an excuse

***He was totally burying a body. I know it. I know it. (probably not, actually. But he's creepy, and it's fun to pretend I have a murderer living near me.)

****Which was weird. I didn't FEEL tired, but apparently I was?

*****We got really lazy toward the end, mostly because we pretty much only had "t"s, "i"s, and a couple other letters. Pit (something about crawling through a pit...) and lit (they lit their wands) were my dad's, as was "yay" (what people said after Voldemort died). But I came up with tact (Ron is tactless?) and git. Oh, and hit, as in "I was hit by a bludger." But whatever. The rest of those are totally good. And we used all the hard letters. :D

******Long story. It's what we do...

*******Man, I need to start packing.

Unity and Goodness

Guess what?! I'm writing this blog post at 4:45 instead of 11:45!!!! Wooooooooooooohooooooooo!!!!! Man, though, I was so annoyed last night because our internet was being stupid and wouldn't post my blog that I had spent forever writing. And I really really just wanted to go to bed. I think it finally decided to work (uploading all those stupid photos and such) around 12:40 am. The only plus side was that I got to watch the moon set over the mountains while waiting for the internet to work again. That was kind of cool. So I did end up sleeping in until 10:00 today because I was just so dang tired. And I do hate sleeping in that late, but at least now I'm not super tired. Yay.

Anyway. So I finally got my roommates. Technically I got the e-mail very late on Saturday night, but it didn't seem appropriate to talk about it yesterday in my Top Ten List. I wouldn't have been able to talk about it very in-depth, so I just delayed the news until today.

I have 2 roommates, just because it was cheaper. And also because I don't really see why it would be more annoying/challenging living with two people rather than one person. One of them lives in Colorado, too, only about 40 minutes away from me, in one of my favorite towns in Colorado. She seems really really nice and we're going to try to meet up before we both leave for Hawaii just to...see each other before we become roommates? Ha, I'm not entirely sure why this would make things better. I think we were just both very excited about how close we live and it would be cool to talk in person before the dorm. My other roommate is from Northern California and also seems very nice, although I haven't talked to her quite as much. She's a vegetarian too, and we all seem to have the same idea that academics is more important than partying, but partying sometimes is okay as well. Which is good. Basically, so far we all seem to get along well and don't clash over anything.

I'm hoping then, that I have more luck with my roommates than my sister had with her freshman roommate. My sister did NOT get along with her, as she always brought back boys or just left her boyfriends sitting in their room while she went off somewhere. It's not that they had huge fights or problems, but they didn't really get along.

Unfortunately, it always seems like roommates, especially freshman/first-year roommates, are kind of a lottery. Some people become best friends with their freshman roommate(s) and stay in touch for the rest of their lives. Others get along with their roommates okay-ish, but never talk to them again after freshman year, especially if they don't have the same classes/major. And still others positively hate their roommates and sleep out in a friends room or something for the majority of the year to escape them. I think I'm hoping for something between that first and second example, where we get along and maybe still talk throughout college, but I'm not holding out hope that any of us become the best of friends. I think that's a little too optimistic, and I don't like to live like that.

I'm a little worried about living with other people, but not too much. I've done it before. Every summer at camp you had to sleep with at least 7 other girls, and in the case of my last years, 15 other girls. In one room. And not everyone always got along. You just had to suck it up, talk to the people you did get along with, and maybe try to find an escape, talking to friends on the little balcony outside. And when I was in the hospital this past year, I had a roommate for most of the time I was inpatient. It was very awkward at first, but we soon became quite close and I still talk to her a lot. So we'll just have to see how I deal with it in college.

However, we have not yet received our addresses/room number/dorm building. I think that's probably what the delay was in not sending them out Friday, but once they saw/heard how angry people were, they decided to send out the names of roommates on Saturday anyway. I know, though, that my dad is going to be very annoyed, because we need a current address for me to change my medical insurance and stuff. Also, I kind of want my address so I can start applying for Work Study jobs. But hopefully they'll give it to us this week?

Oh, and my advisor has yet to e-mail me back after a week and a half. I have a desire to just register for the classes by myself, but that seems neither smart nor polite. I should at least see if it makes sense to change my math classes and then add on another class. I'm going to try to call her later tonight. Having a 4 hour difference with Hawaii makes all of this very complicated.

Dorm

Another view of the dorm

Mountains behind the campus :)

Also, I am praying for the people of London right now. These riots don't sound as if they are accomplishing anything productive. Instead, it seems to me they are igniting terror and fear among the residents of London, which is the point of terrorists, not activists. I can only hope the riots and fires come to an end soon. And...I'm also annoyed that the news stations are blaming Twitter/the internet for the spreading of the riots. As Maureen said, if we really had that much influence over people, all the people asking for an end would be able to stop the riots. *sigh*

However, all of this really got me thinking. That, and a tweet someone sent to Maureen:

In the Harry Potter poem I wrote thanking Jo in 2007, I have a stanza that says, "All us avid fans counted hours/Until the final book would be ours/We dressed up and left, excited/For something other than tragedy, united." And I think it's very interesting that most often people unite over anger (as in the case of these riots), and then subsequently the people left afterward unite over the tragedy left behind. And what would the world be like if we could get more people to unite over helping people in Africa or Asia, helping the less fortunate in our own country, or just promoting groups trying to do good in the world. We need to unite over the good. And we need to unite to help people before a tragedy happens. The people of Africa need our help even if their country isn't in a civil war or genocide right now. That poor man down the street would appreciate a free meal from you NOW, not when he's begging on your doorstep. Kids would like to have more safe places to hang out NOW, not when violence starts occurring.

I think that's why I love the Harry Potter Alliance so much. It brings people together to help others, and we often offer that help before a place seems in dire need.* And certainly there are a lot of people who unite over the positive and doing good. But they always seem to be in the minority, and there's always other people united to fight against those positive people. So I don't know. A lot of the time I don't have a lot of faith in our country or my generation. I realize that sounds very mean and pessimistic, but it's the truth. A lot of people care only about themselves or pay attention to the problems of celebrities rather than the far more important problems of the people around them.

So let's all try to do some good. Just reach out and make someone's day a little brighter. A little act of kindness, a smile, can make all the difference.** I'm so lucky to live where I do, with people who love me, and everything I need to live.

Anyway. I'm kind of amazed to be finishing this blog post before we eat dinner. *gasp* This also seems like a very random blog post, but whatever. That's the way my mind works.

Cheers!

Word of the Day: alacrity--brisk and cheerful readiness

Inspirational quote/photo of the day:

Days until I leave for college: 18.25

*I mean, obviously we should (and do) help people who are in dire need, but it's sad that it requires a large tragedy and a lot of deaths for us to start helping out people who often needed the help before then...

**I know this personally. I am so thankful for the people who took my hand and saved my life and the people who take a moment out of their day to smile or talk to me.

I have dreamed on this mountain

Man, I really need to start writing these blogs in the afternoon or something. Because I'm always tired later. But at least today I can say I was hiking most of the afternoon and then went to Target for clothes and spacebags and an umbrella.* Technically, I got home with enough time that I probably could have written this entire blog before we ate dinner, but that didn't happen. Of course not. ;)

Anyway, I went back and forth today about what to make my top ten list. I had some written down, but I want to save those for a Sunday when I really don't know what to write just in case. And since I went hiking today, I thought maybe I could use that for my list. But I felt like I was cheating at first since I did a top ten reasons to go camping in 2009, and this felt similar. However, once I started listing reasons, I realized it was quite different. And I love hiking. :D

So, I now present you with Kat's Top Ten Reasons to go Hiking

1. ADVENTURE!!!!

Climb the tallest mountain in your state! Take a shortcut that ends up making the hike 3 miles longer! Follow what may be a trail to the most beautiful place around your town! Wander through the forests behind your house and find a beautiful view!!! YAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Okay, I have done all of those except that first one. I haven't climbed the tallest 14er in Colorado, but I have climbed 4 of them. I would love to do more of them, because some look so beautiful, but it's all a matter of how much time I have and when it's going to rain, etc. It's always raining it seems during the summer in Colorado. But I did hike 2 of those 4 14ers in the SNOW in September, so I think that qualifies as adventure. And yes, my dad did take a "shortcut' that made the hike 3 miles longer and gave me a HUGE blister.** And my dad and I also found some very lesser-known trails in a beautiful area just about 15 minutes from our house.

But seriously, hiking, climbing a mountain, walking to waterfall, taking a hike on an icy stream in winter...All my idea of a lovely adventure. I get such an adrenaline rush and such a happy feeling from just being outside and seeing the blue sky and blooming flowers around me. I don't need to dive out of a plane or ride a roller coaster to get my rush. Just put me on a trail with some water and a day to spend, and I'm happy.

2. To really see a place while escaping the tourist traps.

This is really important to me. I think that this isn't always necessarily true, because some trails ARE tourist traps, such as Pikes Peak right by my house. Or the popular trails in national parks. But if you really search around, ask local people, look at topographic maps, you will discover the most beautiful places in/around the place you are visiting. And it's so much more worth it than just hiking the trail everyone always hikes, littered with dogs and trash and little kids and smoking people...

Seriously, though. I love the trails my dad and I have discovered, and they are definitely where I would bring people who visited. And my dad is very good at finding small but beautiful trails wherever we go, so I've seen some beautiful places around our country if I do say so myself.

3. To stay in shape in a fun way.

This one may seem kind of obvious, but whatever. To me, hiking doesn't really feel like boring exercise. And I mean, I like exercising--yoga, running, swimming, weight lifting, etc. But hiking is FUN. It's hard sometimes, when you're going up a super steep uphill, but the beautiful scenery around you makes up for it. And if you're too worn out to notice the scenery around the trail as you're going up, almost always there's a beautiful payoff at the top of that big hill. A gorgeous view, a cute little waterfall, a giant waterfall, a big lake, etc, etc. So, my advice to people who don't particularly like most exercise is to go hiking. You get outside in the fresh air, have some adventures, see beautiful places, and get fit all in one package. SCORE!

4. Usually it helps you stay cool during the summer.

Well...I think this one depends on where you're hiking. If you're in the Grand Canyon or Death Valley or Arches National Park, then ignore this reason. But most of the time, if you get up in the mountains or just a beautiful foresty area, you are going to be much cooler than in your town. Unless, of course, you live in the mountains...But whatever. Mountains, of course, are always going to be at a lower temperature because of the higher elevation. What you may not expect, though, is just how much cooler it is by a nice creek or inside a forest. It was 95 degrees today in Colorado Springs. I think it was slightly cooler in Green Mountain Falls (where we were hiking), but the point is that I didn't feel particularly hot while we were hiking because there was a nice breeze and a lot of trees and two lovely waterfalls. So if you CAN, find a nice path in a forest or climb a mountain on a hot summer day, and chances are you'll be cooler than if you sat in your backyard at home.

But maybe I'm just saying this because we don't have air conditioning. And my house bakes in July/August here. I'm sure if you have air conditioning, this reason isn't going to convince you to go hiking, so let's move on here...

5. You can help save the environment.

For about 4 years now, my dad and I have been mapping trails in Rampart East, trying to convince the state to turn more of the area into a roadless area to preserve the beauty (Basically, that means no motorcycles or ATVs destroying the wilderness). We're doing it as part of Colorado Mountain Club, which is also trying to preserve other areas as wilderness or roadless areas. I've helped build and restore a couple trails too, which DOES save the environment, because it allows people to see an area on an already established trail while protecting and preserving the plants and animals who occupy the area around the trail.

6. To have fun with your family/friends.

I mostly enjoy hiking with my dad, because he loves nature and hiking as much as I do. My sister complains and my stepmom is slow and tends to talk about her work, interrupting the peace. There are a few friends I enjoy hiking with too, and of course I enjoy hikes with the local CMC people. But yes, my dad and I always have fun, even when we practically get lost or almost fall off a cliff or get caught in a snowstorm on the way down from a 14er. ADVENTURE, and story time.

7. Beautiful pictures.

I feel like this one should be pretty self-explanatory. Nature is beautiful, and a lot of the time the only way you can see some of that beauty is by hiking, sometimes a long way. So here's some pictures to convince you:

8. You have great story material.

So you're back at that party again! By now, I'm feeling like you are around some very boring people who don't know how to talk to each other, since you're always the one telling stories. But whatever. All the more time for you to entertain people!! So, another lull in conversation. Maybe you just finished telling them about your photographs. And you figure those stories are a nice segue into hiking stories. Who cares if these people think you're boring? Or crazy? They obviously can't talk to each other, so just start blabbing about that time you hiked 11 miles to see a gorgeous waterfall. Or the time your dad actually almost fell of the side of a mountain. Or just go in SUPER detail, telling them about every turn in the trail that eventually just took you to the top of a ridge and back down. Tell them EVERY SINGLE chipmunk you saw. You're the center of attention at this boring party! And hiking stories are always good stories in my book!

9. You can be on top of the world!!!

Okay, the chances of this are actually pretty low...I doubt you're going to go climb Mt. Everest just because you love hiking. It's a lot of money, very dangerous, and probably not all that worth it. But you can FEEL like you're at the top of the world if you can see only below you and there's nothing at all above you. You are a god, and you can make those little ants below you do whatever you want! Mt. Olympus FTW!!!

You are this guy.

10. You have something to blog about.

Clearly. These probably aren't super exciting blog posts, if the people who read your blog hate nature and would rather fall of a couch and die than be eaten by a mountain lion. But whatever. I find hiking always promotes introspection and reflection, a great way to think about the world we live in and how well we really know it. Just because we have computers and can connect to someone in Slovenia right now if we want to doesn't mean we understand the beauty or depth or height of the planet we live on. It's a miracle, and we are so blessed to be able to have adventures and have fun and leave with these great memories.

So..........GO HIKE!!!

:D

If you hate hiking, I'm not sure I convinced you to go hiking. But whatever. I like hiking, and that's all that matters.

Bleurgh. I should probably try to sleep now. Or else I won't wake up until 10 tomorrow, and I still HATE that. *sigh* Oh, and since Shark Week is over,*** I'm going to go back to my tradition of a daily word now at the end of these posts.

Cheers!

Word of the Day: lumpen--of or relating to dispossessed or uprooted individuals cut off from the economic and social class with which they might normally be identified.

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: “Rivers know this: there is no hurry. We shall get there someday.” -Winnie the Pooh

Days until I leave for college: 19

*College shopping. Woo...

**And I was like 9, I think, so I didn't think it was an adventure. The blister REALLY hurt.

***WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!! :( But every week is shark week for me.

Confessions of a Nerd Girl Part IX

I guess I'm going to continue with this tradition on Saturdays and doing Kat's Top Ten Reasons to (do something)on Sundays. I'm kind of running out of confessions, but hopefully I'll think of something. I'm sure I will. Oh, and let me start out with saying that my going away party was kind of pathetic. The 3 people who came by and hung out with me are all friends I love and love talking to and such, and I'm very happy I got to spend the afternoon with them. But it kind of depressed me to realize how few people want to say goodbye to me before I go to Hawaii. =( But anyway, that pathetic party brings to my first confession.

1. I AM NOT A PARTY PERSON.

I just really don't enjoy what most people consider "parties." I don't like the atmosphere in crazy parties and I usually don't get along well with the people who most often attend parties. I mean, I went to graduation parties at the end of this year, but those were mostly quiet, during the afternoons on weekends, at houses with parents and extended family around. So it was more of a "let's all talk to each other and bond over how we just graduated." There was one slightly larger one that I attended because it was of a really good friend, but since there was a lot of people and craziness, I kind of stuck to the side of a few close friends and didn't venture out into the craziness.

I think that I just don't like being around a lot of people I don't know, because I'm shy and ALREADY uncomfortable at most parties. I don't like drinking or dancing to most modern pop music* or shouting over loud music. The only parties I've thoroughly enjoyed are "wizard parties" AKA the balls or wrock shows at Harry Potter conferences, because everyone's just being nerdy and lovely and funny and THEMSELVES all together. Sure, there's some crazy people, but that doesn't spread to everyone.

I like to pretend I like parties, but when it comes down to it, I really don't. Not my idea of a fun Friday night. Or Saturday night. Or Wednesday morning. Or anytime really.

Woohoo, a party!!! (inside head: aaaaaaaaaaaaaah, a party. Nooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!)

This makes me kind of worried about college, though. My sister's in a sorority, so she loves to party. Luckily, HPU doesn't have sororities. But I'm sure they have beach parties and dorm parties and people being loud and setting up beer keg parties. *sigh* I mean, I have no problem with just sitting in and reading or talking to a few friends outside on the lawn/beach/whatever, but I feel like my hatred of parties is going to be a huge hindrance to me making friends when I first get to college, because that's kind of how you meet people during orientation week...

I can imagine the conversation now:

Semi-cute boy: Hey, I'm throwing a party tonight. Wanna come?

Me: Er...Maybe?

SCB: There'll be drinks. And a LOT of people.

Me: I don't really know you.

SCB: psht. I'm sure there'll be someone you know there. I'm inviting everyone!!!**

Me: I'll think about it.

SCB: SWEET!!! Take this flyer.

Me: Thanks.

(returns to dorm, sits in bed, and reads a book until falls asleep. Skips the party. Doesn't get drunk. One step above other people already)

Normal college students on a Friday night.

My Friday night party.

I'm really not kidding about that reading thing. I've spent so much of my high school years doing crazy schoolwork and IB stuff and essays and blah blah blah that reading became a special treat. And on Friday nights, I'd get home from track, fall asleep on my bed, eat dinner, and fall asleep again. SOMETIMES I'd do homework on Fridays, but only if I was busy that weekend.

READING IS MY PARTY!!!!***

2. Texting is not really my favorite thing.

No, really. It's not. I like having unlimited texting because it means I can get tweets from Maureen on my phone and be amused during the day. And I like that I don't have to worry about how many texts I'm sending to a certain person when I do talk through text. Plus, I think the data plan for my Blackberry had to come with unlimited text, and I do use the internet on my phone a lot...

I think I text mostly because that's what my generation does now, and whenever I call someone they don't answer. So I text them. And they usually text back. I, however, am awful at texting back promptly, especially when I don't look at my phone for a few hours and a text from a friend gets lost in the middle of Maureen's tweets.

I also really don't understand "text talk." I don't really use "lol" or "omg" I use emoticons (as I'm sure you can tell) because I think they're cute and actually help a little to show emotion, which you can't get through letters on a screen. :D But I don't understand why it takes so much more time to type "why" than "y" or "great" instead of "gr8." I seriously spell out everything in my texts and if I notice a typo I get very angry at myself. But I LIKE spelling.**** Respect the English language, people!

3. I love writing and getting letters.

Really honestly my favorite way to communicate with people. I love getting mail, for one. And I love opening an envelope and seeing a friend's carefully crafted letters spelling out a message of love and friendship. It's so much more personal than a phone call, e-mail, or text message. I keep every letter I ever get from my friends who also like sending and receiving them. And they mean so much to me still.

I love writing letters for basically the same reason. I'm not a fan of talking on the phone, though I've gotten over the phone phobia I used to have. And I don't like texting. I e-mail, but it's so much more impersonal and short than an e-mail. I feel like I can really put my heart and soul onto that piece of paper and mail it thousands of miles away and it will come safely to the hands of the receiver.

Maybe I should have lived in the 1800s.

Oh, Dickens! I just love writing letters with my feather quill!

So, anyway. It's late (again) and we're hiking tomorrow. But tomorrow I will give you a lovely top ten list. For now, enjoy these virtual shark cookies:

Cheers!

Daily Shark Fact: Lantern sharks can glow in the dark.

Daily Shark Photo:

Come back here, dinner!!! I'm going to eat you!

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." -Dr. Seuss

Days until I leave for college: 20

*I really don't understand most music anymore. Not popular music anyway.

**This guy sounds drunk and kind of crazy, so maybe THAT'S why I don't want to go to his party. And also kind of pathetically desperate. MY POINT (and I do have one) is that I don't want to party.

***My new slogan. From now on.

****Yay spelling bees! :D

Gah!!!!

Eurgh. So I know I said this post would be about college and roommates. But that has changed.

Know why?

Because the people at Hawaii Pacific were all, "Oh, sorry, we got behind. We'll e-mail you your roommates on Monday." WHAT? What?!?! *sigh*

I'm annoyed a little because they've had since mid-April to start matching roommates, since that's when the application for housing was due. But mostly I'm disappointed. They gave us the August 5th date a month ago, so even there they've had a month to make sure they get it to us on the right date. And all my friends already know their roommates. And...I just really want to know who my 2 roommates are and get to talking to them BEFORE we move in 3 weeks from now.

Every time I complain about this my dad points out that he didn't know who his roommate was until he walked in the door to his dorm. And while I realize that's true, and if I'd lived then I wouldn't complain about this, I don't live in the 80s. The technology is available, every school I know of tells you your roommate before you move in now, and I just don't understand why my school is being so slow.

Dear Hawaii Pacific,

Sincerely,

Kat

Okay, in all honesty, I love my school. My advisor has been really nice. Before I got in or even finished applying, I did an interview with 2 admissions counselors who were incredibly nice and personal. Same for the information session in March. It's in a beautiful location, with a wonderful marine biology program. I get to take an oceanography class my first semester and go out on the boat on Thursday afternoons. So far, everyone who's going there this fall (who's on the Facebook group) seems very nice and accepting.* I am so excited I got accepted here and got scholarships (including one very recent one about a week ago) and have the ability to go away and study something amazing and that I'm passionate about. I'm very lucky. And I'm grateful.

But, honestly? Right now I'm disappointed.**

Anyway, other than that today I cleaned for my party I'm having tomorrow and made some shark shaped sugar cookies for the party as well.*** Read Harry Potter, watched some sharks, did art, did a short hike, etc, etc. I am IN LOVE with the shark cookies. I made them from scratch and am quite proud of them. They're adorable. :)

Also, I only just remembered that it's my half-birthday today. Which is funny, because I know on August 5th last year I made my entire blog post about that fact. I think it was becasue I was desperately waiting to be 18 years old. I'm not entirely sure why. Sure, there's some freedoms that come with being an adult and it meant college, but it also means all the burdens of the real world. And, also, my 18th birthday mostly sucked because my parents wouldn't quit fighting and there was a GIGANTIC snowstorm which prevented the only friend who really wanted to come (read: cared enough) from getting to my house until very late.

So now I'm 18 and a half. It really doesn't feel any different. And I'm not exactly waiting to be 19. I think to a certain extent over the last year I've stopped just waiting for dates to come and go. I used to constantly just look for a date in the future to look forward to, even if it was months away, in order to escape the pain of my present. A shame, really, because every day should be grasped and be viewed as lovely, even if there's pain or tears or tragedy. Because every day that passes means you're still alive.

I've really been trying more lately to live in the present. I don't always succeed, but it helps me a lot when I start feeling upset, lost in grief, or just plain empty and anxious and lonely and fat. It helps to live step by step, moment by moment, whenever I can.

Of course, when I worked on the weekends, I didn't really live moment to moment. Mostly I just wanted 6:30 to come so I could GO HOME and stop wearing the uncomfortable clothes. But that's a whole different story.

Weeeeeee. It's 11:55 here now and while I don't have to work this weekend (YAY), I do have to wake up early-ish tomorrow to prepare for my party. So yeah. Beddy time. :)

Cheers!

Daily Shark Fact: Experts believe that the whale shark may be capable of living up to 150 years, making it one of the longest-living creatures on Earth.

Daily Shark Photo:

Aw, cute little blue shark. I like them because they're actually blue. And they're CUTE.

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: “Do not look back and grieve over the past, for it is gone. And do not be troubled about the future, for it has yet to come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful that it will be worth remembering.” -Ida Scott Taylor

Days until I leave for college: 21

*I know you can never be sure, but no one seems particularly mean or bitchy

**I feel like I'm just complaining now. So moving on to a different topic...

***I will post pictures tomorrow. Probably. :D

Shark City

For once I am actually not typing this as I am watching Shark Week. But that's because I was working on artsy stuff before dinner while watching Air Jaws and then we were eating dinner while watching Shark City. And then...then Shark City just became too AWESOME. I didn't want anything to distract me from the awesomeness and the cuteness and the hilarity.

Air Jaws was lovely, even though I've seen it several times before. Breeching great whites are always beautiful in my opinion. Plus, it's one of the nature/science shark shows that I love so much, not a crazy "OH MY GOD SHARKS ATTACK PEOPLE LET'S KILL ALL OF THEM AND STAY OUT OF THE WATER" kind of show. My dad thinks the great whites are still scary, but I just tell him to not surf and to not look like a seal when he's in the water. Really, if you stay out of the way of the sharks, they won't hurt you. Seriously. Sharks kill 5 people per year on average. These things all kill more people per year than sharks.

So yeah. Be more afraid of vending machines than you are of sharks. :D

But, yes. Shark City? Officially the best Shark Week show I've ever seen. It was interesting and scientific, examining and studying the ways sharks and other animals in a reef live together, hunt together, and die together. It was funny, with Mike Rowe's commentary and all of the names of the creatures. Also, I absolutely adore blacktip reef sharks, which were the star of this show. I think they're the cutest sharks, and they live in the most beautiful environment.

It kind of reminded me why I want to study marine biology. I want to study the way these animals live. I want to explore that secret and beautiful world. I want to learn everything these animals can teach us, from the effects of global warming to how sharks could help us understand cancer with their miraculous ability to avoid tumors. Basically, I want to make a difference in the world and teach people something important about our world. We have explored the darkest corners of space so much more than we have explored the depths of the ocean, and I believe it is imperative to understand the planet on which we live. Every watery, shark-infested inch of it.

But I also loved the stars of the show, with their adorable names:

Harry and Lloyd, the teenager reef sharks who just couldn't seem to capture a meal. I was very happy for the both of them when they finally got dinner at the end of the show.

Big Mama, the hormonal pregnant reef shark who wouldn't let anyone else take her food. Get out of my way, kids!

Hook, the badass shark who fought with a fisherman and won. The mayor of this city.

Lilo and Tang, cute little lemon sharks.

Lucifer, the angry lionfish. Harry's meal.

Spike, the teasing stingray. Lloyd's meal.

Raja, scary little baby tiger shark.

Don Vito, big godfather of the city. Scary tiger shark. Don't get in this boy's way.

Remmy, cute little ramora always looking to hang a ride. RIP Remmy. Tang's meal.

And I cannot remember the name of the nurse shark. Nurse sharks are creepy. They have tiny little beady eyes and are responsible for the most human bites, but only because humans pull on the sharks' tails.

But yes. I very much enjoyed the show.*

My sharky enjoyed the show too. He put on his party hat to celebrate his friends' successes in catching food at the end of the day.

Anyway, I've been rereading the HP series since the movie. And I'd forgotten how funny ALL CAPS HARRY was. So angsty!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!

And it rained more. A lot more. Which is great, I love rain, but my dad refused to go outside in it. *sigh* I like walking in the rain, but he doesn't.

Also, ever since my sadness of yesterday, I've been searching through Tumblr and the internet for messages of hope and love. They really help. As did talking to several of my dear friends.

I realize this post was pretty much entirely about Shark Week. But I don't care. I love sharks, and it's just one week out of the year. Tomorrow I'll probably end up writing about college, since I get my roommates tomorrow, so you can look forward to something different.

Cheers!**

Daily Shark Fact: The shark which is responsible for most shark bites is the nurse shark. Many divers can’t resist the urge to pull this shark’s tail since it looks completely harmless and they end up getting bit.

Daily Shark Photo:

Such a pretty reef shark. Living in such a pretty environment.

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "The gunfire around us makes it hard to hear. But the human voice is different from other sounds. It can be heard over noises that bury everything else. Even when it’s not shouting. Even when it’s just a whisper. Even the lowest whisper can be heard—over armies—when it’s telling the truth." -The Interpreter

Days until I leave for college: 22

*Ha, as if that wasn't obvious.....

**I don't know why I always say this. I really don't.