Colorado Springs NEDA Walk
Almost 3 whole months later, it's hard for me to reflect on every single moment of this walk. I mostly remember the amazing feeling, the beautiful warmth filling my heart during the whole event. The first week back from college truly was a whirlwind one, because I had to focus on the walk, getting sponsors and people to come out, making sure I was still in a good place, and being prepared to talk. I'd done some work, of course, in the months leading up to the walk while I was still in Hawai'i. But much of the work couldn't be done until I got back, which left me 3.5 days to make sure everything was set in stone.
So the walk was stressful. I love organizing these walks, but I think one of the most unfortunate things about being the person to organize a walk such as this is you feel the stress first and the beauty later. It took me a little while before the walk actually started to allow myself to step back and realize how truly amazing each and every single woman and man who had come out that day was.
And they so were. I am amazed still at the wonderful sponsors we got to come out for us, and the myriad of women.
I think what struck me most was how different each woman (and man) was. We all held our own stories. Many of us held our stories inside of us, kept them locked inside a secret box. Because eating disorders, despite everything, despite all of these years, still remain diseases filled with shame and loneliness. We isolate ourselves because we are ashamed and because we feel society should be or is ashamed of us. They remain diseases of silence, while truly we are all screaming for attention. When we don't get that attention, the help we know deep inside we need, our feelings of worthlessness are reinforced. The world really doesn't care. I don't matter. I might as well disappear from the world. (Says the eating disorder voice in our head)
And that is why I think walks such as this one are so important. More people suffer from eating disorders than suffer from breast cancer in the United States. Breast cancer, of course, is a horrible disease as well that needs its own community and circle of support. But there is no reason why breast cancer should have a multitude of walks and foundations and Races for the Cure, yet eating disorders remain hidden in the background. No one wants to talk about them. No one wants to donate money to foundations that aim to aid in treatment and awareness.
But we need to talk about them. As the art therapist at Children's said, in the 80s and 90s HIV/AIDS was the disease of silence, shame, and stigma. It still holds a lot of stigma in our society, but it also holds our awareness now. People donate money, they walk for a cure. People support the sufferers, and, for the most part, try to understand the disease.
It's time we, as a society, now offer our ears and hearts and hands to the very real plight women (and men) face now today more than ever. It's time we talk about it.
And it's time, we, as women, as sufferers, as the ones struggling and shining every day in recovery, share our stories.
The amazing thing I experienced at the walk was that once I shared my story, more and more women at the walk, some who I had met before and some who I had not, wanted to share their stories. I didn't even share my story quite in the way I wanted to, but my words still had a powerful effect on everyone. As did the stories of the beautiful women who followed me.
Once I finished talking to a reporter and caught up with the rest of our small but mighty walk group, I couldn't help but smile. We were all getting together to form a community, a cocoon of support and love. Women were talking to each other, laughing and sharing stories. We were sharing stories of being broken and of rising up out of the ashes. Not all of us had healed completely, but we were picking up those shattered pieces of ourselves to become whole again.
I met some amazing friends while in treatment. I met some amazing friends in the journey following treatment, as we all took a step back together every day to admire the beauty of the world. We breathed, laughed, cried, danced, played in the dirt, painted. TOGETHER. And now, thanks to this walk, I met some amazing women who continue to inspire me every day.
I look down at my tattoo, reminded of Nick and recovery and my own strength to fly. And I look back to all of the amazing women I know, and I am reminded of how beautiful we all are. I am. You are. Every single person.
The world is a beautiful and strange place. We never think there are people who have thought the same terrible things we have or experienced the intense pain of destroying one's own body. But there ARE. We are never alone. Even when we feel like no one around us understands or can help, we are never alone. We just need to talk about it. Reach out. Love. And fill our hearts with warmth.
Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "Fairytales are more than true; not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us that dragons can be beaten." -G.K. Chesterton
Word of the day: quisquilious--like rubbish; trashy, worthless
Days until Shark Week: 5
Days until Hawai'i: 16
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