The Questions that Matter

One of my dearest friends and I have a wonderful tradition of posting quotes we love on each other's Facebook walls. I started this last semester, and it continued through about January, I think. Or maybe December. But either way, it then stopped, not because I no longer care about her, but actually, I think, because I'm not on Facebook nearly as often as I used to be. And things, even wonderful traditions, do fall apart sometimes. But on Saturday I posted a quote to her wall just on a whim--that Emerson quote about the stars. The response I got from her was almost overwhelming. 

It's funny, because I actually  have not seen this girl, my soul sister, since November 9th, 2009. 2 1/2 years. And yet every single time we talk, even in small little exchanges like our quote sharing, my heart immediately warms. I can feel the invisible strings running from my mind and soul to hers. 4000 miles and several years apart, we remain connected every day.

I think I generally have a hard time defining who my friends are. Because I have "friends" here at college who hang out with me, but the majority of them never actually seem to want to do anything with me. And it was mostly the same in high school--I'd hang out with people at school and track, but then once I was home...nope, no more friends. 

The people I consider my closest friends are the ones who don't leave me, who are always willing to talk about the serious stuff as well as the ridiculous things. The ones who leave for a little while but are still really in my life forever. My soul sister, Cody, is one of those people. The girls I lived with for 3 months in the hospital are as well. One of my good friends from Girl Scout camp 4 years ago as well. And then I do consider several adults to be my friends based on this definition, including a few old teachers.

Okay, but anyway, this is the quote Cody posted on my wall:

‎"Admit it. You aren’t like them. You’re not even close. You may occasionally dress yourself up as one of them, watch the same mindless television shows as they do, maybe even eat the same fast food sometimes. But it seems that the more you try to fit in, the more you feel like an outsider, watching the “normal people” as they go about their automatic existences. For every time you say club passwords like “Have a nice day” and “Weather’s awful today, eh?”, you yearn inside to say forbidden things like “Tell me something that makes you cry” or “What do you think deja vu is for?”. Face it, you even want to talk to that girl in the elevator. But what if that girl in the elevator and the balding man who walks past your cubicle at work are thinking the same thing? Who knows what you might learn from taking a chance on conversation with a stranger? Everyone carries a piece of the puzzle. Nobody comes into your life by mere coincidence. Trust your instincts. Do the unexpected. Find the others." -Timothy Leary

And god, my heart just melted when I read these words. The truth of these words for me is...uncanny. It feels as though Mr. Leary has crawled into my brain and read the little messages etched upon the tissue there. 

Because I truly do feel like an outsider in a lot of situations. I feel like I'm just going through the expected motions of society, asking people "How was your day?" and saying things like, "Oh, yeah, I'm so tired too." I smile at people, hug my friends, laugh along with jokes. I'm happy, but there's always a part of me in most situations that feels twinges of discomfort.

There's a part of me that yearns to ask something else. Say something else. Part of me that wants to turn to the young man sitting next to me on the bus and ask, "So, tell me about your definition of beauty. Tell me the most beautiful experience you've had. Describe to me what makes you cry and laugh. Isn't this cerulean blue sky just breathtaking? And look out the window. Really look. What do you see?"

These are the kind of questions that matter. We, each of us, I think secretly want to be asked these questions and want to learn these things about others. The question, "How are you" is a small attempt to delve into that territory, but our society has been trained to merely respond "Fine. Tired. Happy. Etc." We don't go into the details. 

I want to go into the details. I want to ask the questions that matter. I want to race my friends down the beach to the edge of the water at night. I want to float with them in the calm water as we discuss what lives in those stars up above. I yearn for true connections with people, but I'm afraid of isolation. I'm afraid of not finding anyone. So I settle for conforming to society, and keep those important questions lodged deep in my heart and soul.

I hope one day those questions can come out.

I am grateful to have my small group of friends with whom I can discuss the questions that matter. We may all live thousands of miles apart, and we may never see each other, but our hearts, minds, and souls are connected forever.

Don't be afraid to ask the questions that matter. Feed your heart and soul, and allow those invisible connections to thrive.

Cheers!

Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "Only hang around people that are positive and make you feel good. Anybody who doesn’t make you feel good, kick them to the curb. And the earlier you start in your life the better. The minute anybody makes you feel weird and non-included or not supported, you know, either beat it or tell them to beat it." — Amy Poehler

Word of the day: absquatulate--to flee, make off; abscond