All of my emotions are so jumbled right now. It's been a weird weekend and a very long week of finals and moving, so I've barely had any time to really sit back and think about what is happening or how I'm feeling about it.
But I really do find myself feeling incredibly sad. It didn't fully hit me until I hugged my RA Athena goodbye earlier this morning. I almost started crying right there, but I managed to hold it in. I hope to call her and talk over the summer and still be able to hang out with her sometimes next year. Her presence is such a beautiful part of my life; I hope it continues.
I woke up at 5:30 this morning to my roommate snoring. And then I left campus around 6:45 to carry some stuff to our apartment. The upside was that we got a lot of free stuff from the student center--2 chairs, a table, and 2 of those plastic drawer things. Plus a lot of smaller things. The downside was we had to carry all of it about half a mile from the shuttle stop to the apartment. I have so many bruises on my forearm and can tell I must have several on my knee as well. But at least the stuff is down there. And I'm so glad I have a place to live in August, with some lovely friends.
I didn't get a chance to say goodbye to many people though. Everyone was rushing still, and I didn't even get to say goodbye to my roommate who isn't coming back next year. i was in a rush too; the shuttle came early and then didn't wait for us so we had to wait for another one to come at 11:45. Ugh. Last time I'm using the Airport Shuttle Service. It'll be cheaper to take a cab to/from my apartment now anyway. But I made it through checking my bag and security surprisingly fast.
And then all of the sudden I was sitting at my gate, with half an hour until boarding. And it really began to hit me that I was leaving, wouldn't see my friends for 3 months, and...yeah. Things are changing. I won't live in the dorms anymore. As much as I will (or will not) hang out with people from my dorm next year, we won't be a close-knit family anymore. I won't live in the same building or have the same experiences. I'm really building my own foundation now.
I then made the mistake of reading some of my goodnights that Athena gave to me in an envelope while at the gate and almost started crying again. Yeah. Those are going to stay safely in the envelope for a while.
Luckily I managed to doze on and off on my flight, so I'm doing okay. Also, my body does still think it's only 23:00. And it's not like I never stay up until 2:30 anyway, which is when my flight leaves body time.
Phew. Well. I do feel this slight heaviness in my heart, as I have now left a place I do truly feel at home. But, I have pieces of my heart still in Colorado, so I am heading to that home too. I firmly believe I have several homes scattered across the world now. And, ultimately, I can carry my home, my family, and my love with me wherever I go. I'll bring all of it with me to Connecticut, and hopefully it will strengthen my faith and allow me to combat loneliness and doubt for those first few weeks when I'm still so unsure of myself.
3 1/2 hours until my flight boards. And then I'll be at my other home. Soon.
Cheers!
Inspirational quote/photo of the day:
Word of the day: donnybrook--a brawl or heated public dispute
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