Aloha. *waves sleepily* It is now 12:01 am, but I am again going to cheat and change that time back just a tad. I actually really have not been on my computer all day, other than to have music playing. Why? (I imagine a lot of people asking this, but that definitely is not true...)
Because I really do feel like everything has happened today. After waiting so long, trudging through papers and exams and housing issues, suddenly it's 3 days before I leave and everything has come together. As I had faith it would.
But anyway. I woke up at 5:15 today to say goodbye to a friend (*sob*) after getting less than 4 hours of sleep. I then went back to bed for...maybe an hour and a half until I had to wake up for breakfast. We immediately went to go sign the lease for our apartment (!), which took a lot longer than I thought it would. I didn't get to actually see the apartment today, because I had to rush to my final exam, but we got our keys and signed all of the paperwork. Our apartment already has electricity, too!
I took my last final as well, and when I turned it in I totally did not even comprehend that I just finished my first year of college. I just handed it to the teacher, went to get money back for books at the bookstore, and rushed to meet my friends (roommates now!) at the Safeway, eating my lunch while walking. ;) Ran some more errands downtown, then immediately came back to the dorms and commenced a rush of finishing packing boxes, calling rental car companies, calling movers, doing laundry, cleaning the bathroom in our suite, etc.
I did then have the luxury once I finished with (almost all of) my packing of just sitting in the common room for a good hour and a half talking with some friends and my RA.
I've missed my RA a lot over the last 2 months or so. Because while I know she still cares about me, I also notice she very much prefers to hang out with and talk to the boys in our hall. Which I completely understand, but I miss talking to her as much as I did last semester. I don't know if she fully understands just how much she helped me throughout the first 3 months of last semester. I was incredibly lonely then and still completely unsure of who I was and if I was in the right place. I was strong, but still not trusting in my strength, and I didn't know how to reach out to people who would care and just like hanging out with me. I just really don't know how to put myself out into the world, because I am so hard on myself and just automatically assume other people criticize me in the same way I criticize myself. Some might. But the majority don't. And I do think I found myself with a steady base of friends at the end of last semester and throughout this semester. I am incredibly grateful for that. But I never would have got there with out the tenderness of my RA, how she would always listen to me, even when I was in the midst of a terrible, paralyzing anxiety attack. I have so much love and respect for her.
And I'm really going to miss having her as an RA. I truly do hope we can continue to be friends and hang out some next year, but I know the likelihood of that really happening is not great. Although she may be living in my apartment for part of the summer and I hope she continues to talk to all of us. Because she truly is a blessing in my life and I am so lucky I had her to guide me through those months and this year, helping me to find myself and believe in my beauty as a normal, but inspiring and caring, 19-year-old girl.
But anyway. I'm going to make myself cry if I keep writing about this, so let's just stop. It's only 3 days until I leave, but I do still have to focus on getting my stuff moved. Tomorrow. 14:00.
It really still hasn't quite hit me that today I finished my first year of college. I was showering just now and the thought popped into my head of, "Oh, yeah, but I should try to do homework at some point tomorrow." And then I realized I don't have any. None. I'm finished until September. I just have to worry about moving, getting ready to leave, and hanging out with my friends before I leave.
That, too, is a blessing amongst this craziness. A glow in the hectic past few days this has been.
Hopefully I will remember to take some pictures of the new apartment tomorrow while we are moving in, since I haven't done that yet.
For now, though, I finish putting my bedding back on my bed, tape up a few boxes, read, and SLEEP. Because I've walked around an awful lot today, and I am tired. Very, very tired.
Cheers!
Inspirational quote/photo of the day: "We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." -Walt Disney
Word of the day: funambulist--a tightrope walker
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